It's finally set in

I couldn't let it, before. First I was at school, then I was at work.

*stagger, collapse*

I can cry now. I can sit here and sob into my hands... hrm, the keyboard has never gotten so clean.

It hurts to know this can happen. Like feeling a missing limb, almost. This sort of thing isn't supposed to happen. It isn't.

I'm not a child. I know bad things happen. Natural disasters around the world kill millions every year.

But this isn't natural. This is man-made. This was caused by people so full of... hate? Rage? Anger? Righteousness.

So sure they were the ones who were right.

Well, fuck you.

The enormity is crashing around me. My god.

I worry, now. Nute's in the Guard, Shai's in the fricking army. I don't want people I care about to be in situations where they might die. That damnable luck of being a Ficcer might disappear.

And River. River's over in the middle east. Dammit.

If there IS a God, you'd better be listening, you bastard. You OWE me. Keep them safe.

On a happier note.

I want James Spader for Christmas.

Not asking for much. Just get him when he's looking all cute and buff from Supernova, and I'll be happy.