SCAM: Stargate: SG-1

[lyssie]

Disclaimer: Not ours. Really.
Rating: PG13
Notes: Written one night on AIM, gone over and edited by both of us, and then finished. And posted after figuring out a title. A bit sappy, a bit silly, but, eh. We like it. ;)
Pairing: Sam/Jack (c'mon, it's us...)
Because of THIS conversation:
Ryuu: The fact that he actually knows what shade periwinkle is should probably disturb me more.
ALC: Nah. Jack knows it because he was trying to decide what color Carter's eyes were, one night when he and Daniel were drunk.
Ryuu: Can you write that fic?
ALC: erm. Maybe?
Ryuu: C'mon! It'd be great!

Periwinkle
by ALC Punk! and Ryuu

"Cerulean?"

Jack blinked. "No." He knocked back another shot. "No, she's not really a cerulean sorta person..."

"Jack, do you even know what cerulean is?"

"Uh...no?"

"Right." Daniel gestured with his half-empty beer bottle, almost spilling it. "So, Sam's eyes aren't cerulean. What about, about... Robin's egg blue?"

"Periwinkle!" Jack held up his bottle triumphantly.

"Jack, you're drunk."

"So're you." Jack smirked. "And you're only saying that because you know I'm right."

"I'm less of a cheap date than, than...." There was a pause while Daniel tried to make sense. He failed. Miserably.

Jack nodded solemnly. "Not Carter. Carter can out-drink you any day."

"And Janet. Janet can out-drink both of us." Another gesture, this time Daniel succeeded in spilling his beer. "Oops."

Jack sighed and gestured the bartender over. "We need a towel. And a couple more of those."

The bartender eyed them both for a moment, then shrugged. It wasn't his responsibility if the two men drank themselves insensible. Of course, there was also the little matter of the bet he had with Mo on day shift that no one could out-drink the Colonel.

"So...periwinkle." Jack took a swig from the new beer. "Yep. Carter's got periwinkle eyes."

Daniel waved his hand carefully. "I think you just like saying that word, Jack."

"Periwinkle?"

"That one, yup."

"Maybe." Jack took another casual sip of his beer. "So, whattya think?"

Daniel shrugged. "Why not?"

"Good response, Danny." Pondering some more, Jack tipped his head to the side. "Periwinkle."

Daniel straightened his glasses. "Uh...how did we even start talking about this, anyway?"

"You were talking about hieroglyphs."

Daniel remembered that. Vaguely. "And then you mentioned that 'eye thing'..."

Nodding, Jack took another sip of his beer. "Right. And, Carter's eyes..."

"Jack, how did the Eye of Horus make you think of Sam's?" Daniel coughed.

"It's peaceful. Dangerous..."

"Okay..." Daniel blinked and looked baffled, wondering if it was the beer or if Jack was simply being more confusing than usual.

"So. " Turning his bottle, Jack squinted at the beer, "What did you want to talk about again?"

"Well, I mentioning those artifacts we found on P5X-439, and how the symbols on them corresponded with-"

"Ah!" Jack held up a hand, "I'm not drunk enough yet, Daniel. Why don't you talk about other things. Like that nurse who was giving you her phone number the other day?"

Daniel paused and turned bright red. "She was...er...pretty friendly."

"Is that what they're callin' it these days?" Holding back a snicker, Jack took another drink.

Daniel glared. "Freya," he said, pointedly.

"Anise." Jack countered with a smirk.

"At least she never kissed me."

"GAH!" Taking an extra-long drink, the Colonel glared at the archeologist. "I'd almost gotten that buried, Spacemonkey."

Daniel looked smug. "Don't call me Spacemonkey."

Wagging a finger, Jack shuddered, "More beer for you."

"You kissed Freya," he sing-songed under his breath.

"You kissed Hathor." Jack shot back.

Daniel coughed. "So I did. As did you."

"Yeah, but I didn't swap DNA."

Daniel shuddered faintly. "Er...yeah."

Now that he figured Daniel had completely forgotten Carter's eyes (not that Jack himself had), Jack felt vaguely genial. He waved to the bartender, "Another round, please."

"What next, Jack, fingers up?"

Jack shrugged and gave voice to a fairly impressive burp. "Er...excuse me."

Wrinkling his nose, Daniel muttered. "Right. I keep forgetting. Could you BE cruder, Jack?"

"Well, I've already been a caveman, Danny." Jack smirked and took another swig from his bottle.

"How could I forget." he muttered.

"It was a good look for you." Jack grinned. "Hairy...nice thick eyebrow...how could any girl resist?"

"Like...Sam?" Daniel looked innocent.

"Sure. Like Carter." Smiling with superiority, Jack leaned back in his bar stool (as far as one could lean back in that sort of thing). "I'm the leader of the pack."

"And that's why she nearly managed to throw your back out?"

"They never said command and respect didn't come with a price."

Daniel muttered something into the mouth of his beer bottle.

Smirking still, Jack picked up his almost empty beer. "Another round?"

Daniel nodded. "Oh yeah."

"Bartender!"

The bartender grinned. "You guys aren't falling over yet?"

"C'mon, man, you know me better than that." Jack waved his empty beer, missing the edge of the bar. "A few more rounds. Then I'll be falling over."

He smirked. "Right. And will we be calling a cab this evening or the Major?"

Daniel snickered, "The Major, at this rate."

Jack made a face. "She's probably sleeping by now."

"Oh, like that's ever stopped you, Jack."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Fine, but if she's pissed, I'll blame it on you."

"Right. Like Sam would believe *that*." Daniel snorted.

"Dammit," Jack muttered.

"It's all right, Jack." Patting the Colonel's arm, Daniel raised his beer. "Besides, I think Sam kinda likes it."

"Being woken up by her drunk friends in the middle of the night? Man, and here I've been buying women flowers and candy all this time..."

"Being woken up by you. Drunk or otherwise," Daniel corrected. He paused, "I think I'm out of beer again."

Jack looked thoughtful. "You think so?"

"Yeah." Daniel tilted the bottle over. "No drops left. Bartender?"

The bartender passed over a fresh bottle and whistled softly. "Holding your own with the Colonel, man. I'm impressed."

"Ah," Daniel waved a hand, and watched as two of them waved back. "Give me time. I'm sure I'll fall over before he does."

Jack grinned. "Maybe we can ask Carter what color she thinks her eyes are."

"Blue."

Jack frowned. "Yeah."

With a sigh, Daniel settled a little more on his stool. "Y'know, I love Sam. But she's very... literal. Tends to call a rock a rock."

Jack saluted with his bottle. "Yeah, Carter's lovable."

"But there's no poetry in Sam Carter."

"Pretty eyes, though."

"I'll tell her you said so."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "You trying to get me in trouble now, Spacemonkey?"

"She'll think it's sweet. Women like that sort of thing. I think." Daniel frowned, "What kind of beer is this again?"

"The kind that makes your brain all fuzzy," Jack replied wisely.

"Right." Considering this for a moment, Daniel tipped his head to the side, and watched as the bar began to waver. "Uh, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Is the room supposed to perform ceremonial dances like that?"

"No...this is generally a non-dancing sorta bar..."

"Ah." Daniel considered this. "Jack? I think I'm going to fall off my barstool now."

Jack somehow mustered the coordination to catch the archeologist. "Woah...I think it's time to cut you off."

"Sounds like a plan." mumbled Daniel, listing into the bar and gripping the edge. "Think that cab might be a good idea."

"Bartender!" Jack waved. "Spacemonkey's hit his limit."

"Already on the way," the man replied with a smile. "You wanna share it, or you stayin'?"

"Hmm..." Jack sighed. "Decisions, decisions..."

"C'mon, Jack," slurred Daniel, "Y'can call Sam from my place. She won't expect that."

"And I should go to keep you from doing something stupid." Jack nodded.

"Uh-huh." Rolling his eyes, Daniel attempted to stand. "'Cause, y'know, I'm gonna do stupid things 'stead of face-planting onto my bed."

"Wouldn't put it past you."

"Hey, I am *not* the one who decided calling Hammond and resigning at 4 a.m. was a good plan. Neither did I say telling him it was an April Fool's joke in December would be a great plan."

"Hey! That was funny!" Jack protested. "Carter laughed about it."

"Ah."

"...or maybe she was laughing at some of the things Hammond said the next day..."

"Yeah, maybe." Daniel yawned, "That cab here?"

"I think so," Jack said, looking towards the door.

"Good." Shifting to his feet, Daniel took one step, then stopped. "Uh, Jack? A little help here."

Jack offered his shoulder. "Here."

Slinging an arm around Jack, Daniel started walking towards the door. "Y'know, we could just go to Sam's..."

"You do like to live dangerously, don't you?"

"She thinks we're cute -- well, she thinks *you're* cute."

"I'm adorable," Jack replied with dignity.

"Uh-huh." Daniel eyed the cab. "D'you remember where we're goin'?"

"We're goin' to Sam's?"

"Sounds like a plan." Daniel nodded himself into the backseat, bumping his head only once.

"She thinks I'm cute, huh?"

"Well, she hasn't kicked your ass or demanded a transfer to get away from you," said Daniel, trying to use logic. "Of course, it could be one of those freaky love/hate things..."

Jack frowned. "So...you're saying she hates me?"

"Has she ever acted like she does?"

"Do times I've legitimately pissed her off count?"

"Nah." Daniel waved a hand, then stared out the window. "We're stopped."

"Very observant, Daniel."

"Thank you, Jack. I like to be useful."

Jack opened the cab door and stumbled out.

Tossing a handful of bills at the driver, Daniel followed, staggering and almost falling as he gained the sidewalk. "Hey, Jack, wait up."

"Geez...I should feel guilty about letting you drink so much," Jack replied, walking back and steadying Daniel.

"Hey, I could've stopped anytime." Grunted Daniel as they made their way up the step. "Do you wanna ring the bell or shall I?"

"Well, if she thinks I'm the cute one..."

"Fine. *You* ring the bell."

"You're on." Jack reached out, only missing his target a couple of times.

"I don't think she heard it. Maybe we should just use our keys."

"Okay." Jack fumbled in his pocket. "Huh...do I even have them?"

"Well, I have mine." Digging into his pocket, Daniel finally pulled a large bundle free. "Er, which one is it again?"

Jack took a glance at the bundle and rang the bell again.

"No, no, I'm sure I can find it, I just --" Daniel blinked as the door swung open. "Hi, Sam."

Sam Carter was standing in her doorway, blinking at them. "Uh...hi, Daniel. ...sir."

"Carter. Got any coffee?" Jack was pretty sure he could see Carter's toes if he looked close enough. And she looked really cute in her periwinkle pyjamas.

She blinked. "I can make some-are you drunk?"

"Well, Daniel is." The archeologist nodded, then made a face, and Jack hastily pushed into Carter's house.

"Bathroom for you, Dr. Jackson."

"Thanks, Jack," Daniel replied weakly.

"Uh," Sam began eloquently, then paused. "Sir, why did you come here?"

"Coffee, Carter," the Colonel dodged as he pulled the door to the bathroom closed. "And maybe some aspirin or crackers."

She crossed her arms and smirked. "I control the coffee here, sir."

"You do? Carter, Daniel's going to need coffee after puking his guts out."

"And what about you?"

"Well, it'd be nice."

"So, you wanna tell me why you came here? Because I doubt you're out of coffee at your place." Sam grinned. "Is it my sparkling wit?"

"No... Well, yeah, but that wasn't the --" Giving up and deciding actions spoke louder than words, Jack moved, backing her into the wall and bending his head towards her.

"Sir-mmph!" Sam's initial thought of pushing him away was rapidly overshadowed by the fact that this was Jack kissing her. And doing it damn well to boot.

"I'm not drunk," he defended as he pulled back and stared down at her. "Well... mostly not drunk." Then he went back to kissing her.

Her hands slid up to brace against his chest. "You...you are drunk...sir," she managed to murmur between kisses.

"Nope," he objected, hands sliding down her sides. "Definitely not."

She sighed and reached up to frame his face with her hands. "Sir, you are."

"Yeah," he admitted, stopping and leaning his forehead against hers. "Maybe." He pulled away, "This was such a better idea ten minutes ago." He fisted his hand and banged on the bathroom door, "C'mon, Danny, we need to get you home."

"Oh god, I think I'm puking up stuff I ate five years ago..." Daniel groaned.

Sam tentatively reached out and touched his arm. "Sir...stay for coffee. Please."

He looked at her, met her eyes. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I want you to." A faint smile touched her mouth. "Besides, Daniel's not done yet."

"True." He glanced at the door, then shrugged, "I'll go start the coffee." Anything to leave, now, before he did the unthinkable and started kissing her again. And he really wanted to, he realized suddenly.

"Okay," she whispered, an odd expression on her face. Acting on a sudden impulse, she grabbed his collar and kissed him again.

Impulse control, he thought wildly. You're drunk. Carter isn't. And *she* was kissing *him*. His hands went back to her waist and he pulled her against him, glad the wall was right behind him because his legs were threatening to give out.

"The coffee can wait a few minutes, right?" she mumbled against his lips.

His grip tightened on her. "Yes."

Her arms hooked around his neck. "Good."

Deciding that trying to drag Sam Carter any closer might suffocate him, he worked instead on learning every section of her lips and mouth, moving from one side to the other.

She ruffled his hair with one hand, enthusiastically returning the kiss.

"Ahem." Daniel leaned against the bathroom doorjamb. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Sam made a startled noise and pulled away. "Daniel! Feeling any better?"

Bereft of Carter's lips, Jack refused to let her go completely. He slung an arm around her, sliding next to her and catching at the waist of her pyjama pants. "Carter and I were gonna go make coffee. Why don't you go back to puking, Daniel."

Daniel grinned. "Tell her about her eyes," he advised, stepping back into the bathroom and closing the door.

"My eyes?" She asked him, her eyebrows raised.

"Uh..." Jack smiled sheepishly. "We decided your eyes are periwinkle blue."

"Really." Shifting, she slid her own arm around his shoulders. "Weren't we going to make coffee?"

"We were." His fingertips slid along her waist.

"Sir?" She stopped part way to the kitchen and looked at him. "You're drunk. I won't, um, I mean... If you want to forget about all of this..."

"Carter...do you want to?" He looked faintly worried.

"No!" A blush slid across her cheeks at her vehemence. "But, I mean... This could... change things?" she finished lamely.

"What does it really change?" he asked. "This isn't exactly something I started feeling just now."

"Me either. And, um... I don't know?" She tried to remember what all of her reasons were for not doing this. Why it was so very important to shove everything in a tiny little room and pretend it wasn't there. But he was standing next to her, fingers stroking the skin of her side, and she didn't want to remember. "Coffee?"

He nodded. Smiled. "Coffee."

She dragged them on towards the kitchen, then got him to (reluctantly) let her go so she could fill the pot with water while he measured out the grounds. Not that he didn't take every chance he got to grope any available portion of her anatomy whenever they crossed paths. Apparently, now that he had decided he could, he wasn't holding anything back.

Admittedly, she wasn't doing anything to stop him. Jack O'Neill, it appeared, had fairly skilled fingers and she was trying to give back as good as she got.

When Daniel finally turned up, she was attempting to make them all toast while Jack nibbled his way around the back of her neck. Making the toast kept getting forgotten because she had discovered there were certain spots of her neck he could hit just *right* and she kept shifting, so he would.

The other man eyed them for a moment, then snorted. "Oh, get a room already."

"We're in a room, Daniel," she answered, and gestured towards the coffeepot.

"Coffee." Distracted, Daniel moved towards the elixir of his life.

"You know where the mugs are, right?"

Daniel waved a hand, already digging in the correct cupboard. "Just continue mauling Sam, Jack. I've got it covered."

Jack gave him a thumbs-up and returned to exploring the back of Sam's neck. She managed to maneuver a piece of bread into the toaster, then let out a soft squeak as he found a particularly sensitive patch of skin.

"Y'know," said Daniel, moving towards the phone, "on second thought, I think I'm going to call a cab."

"Mmm...you do that," Jack mumbled.

"Bye, Daniel." Managed Sam before she gasped and closed her eyes.

Daniel shook his head and smirked. "Have fun, guys."

Neither managed a response to that, although both were fairly certain that wouldn't be a hard suggestion to follow.

-f-

Ryuu: P.S. Jack and Sam had mind-blowing drunken sex and then he had a hangover and it got better and they had more mind-blowing sex, the end.

Comments

[surreallis.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Drunk Jack and drunk Daniel.

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

ALUCARD!!!!

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

Lyssie. You are incredible, you crazy woman. Damn, this was a fine fic. :) :giggles and bounces: :saves FOREVER!:

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*points* Was Ryuu, too (I seriously can only point at, like, three lines and say "I wrote that bit"...)

*smirks* But it is a good fic, yes.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Whoot! ;)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Yes. They're snarky!fun. The best kind ever.

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'd say it was more fifty-fifty than that, pookie. And she totally came up with the line about the bar doing a ceremonial dance.

[woodface]

*snickers* Too. Cute.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

yes. yes it is.

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

*luffs*

*pets*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

"No, she's not really a cerulean sorta person..."

*moment of x-files* "Cerulean blue... cerulean blue... *CRASH!*"

Janet can out-drink both of us.

YAY!!!! And she so can.

"GAH!" Taking an extra-long drink, the Colonel glared at the archeologist. "I'd almost gotten that buried, Spacemonkey."

ANISE!!! *huggles honey* I love me that woman. I am so alone. But you mentioned her! Gleee!

"Being woken up by you. Drunk or otherwise,"

Aww, it's fun when Daniel knows.

Sam grinned. "Is it my sparkling wit?"

Aww. *pets Sam's "sense of humor"* She's so cute in your stories :)

Acting on a sudden impulse, she grabbed his collar and kissed him again.

*cheers out loud*

Ryuu: P.S. Jack and Sam had mind-blowing drunken sex and then he had a hangover and it got better and they had more mind-blowing sex, the end.

Every story should end like that :)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*cuddles*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

...X-Files?

And of course Janet can out-drink everyone.

*smoooches* (I take it this means you're home?)

Sam is cute because Jack and Daniel are about 8... In our heads. *g*

Thank you. :) (and they should!)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Yes, X-Files... they had a recurring villain named Pusher (same dude who plays... Colonel, er, something in the first season. The asshead who was Hammond's second in the pilot and came back in Politics). The guy could push his will onto other people with just his voice, and the very first scene with him had him talking a cop into pulling his car into a truck (that was painted cerulean blue) by saying "Cerulean blue... like a cool breeze..."

There was lots more random stuff about cerulean blue in his episodes, too.

And now you know :)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Ahhh. Heh. I think those were after my time.

[besyd.livejournal.com]

"Y'know," said Daniel, moving towards the phone, "on second thought, I think I'm going to call a cab."

Wise, even when drunk. [pets Daniel]

Fun fic! Thanks!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

y're welcome. *smooches*

[http://users.livejournal.com/cecilialisbon_/]

*squee* Another fab fic :D

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

If I'd kept the nicks in, maybe. But I'm bad like that (Persephone and I wrote the Kitten Saga in much the same way, and I can't remember which bits were hers and mine THERE, either).

*smooooooooches*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Nah -- the first one, anyway, was old skool xfiles. However, these things probably don't stick as much in your head if you don't watch them over and over and over again...

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Aha. This is very true.

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

"OMG! It's the one with Pusher! The one where he almost gets Mulder to shoot Scully in Russian Roulette and Scully CRIES and BEGS HIM and omg! Ship!! SQUEEEE!"

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

See, before Sam, Scully WAS my SF Girl Crush, so I have to find parallels between she and our lovely Lt. Colonel whenever possible.

So, yay for hidden XF refs! ^_^

[livilla.livejournal.com]

*giggles insanely and is dead* Especially at the P.S.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*smirk*

I asked her if she had anything to add. That was it.

[livilla.livejournal.com]

Heh, it's awesome. And so true. As soon as that scene fades out, the clothes so come off.

[anr]

I think the best part of this fic (apart from the adorabledrunktalk is Sam and Jack groping in the kitchen. It's just so... adolescent and omgwevejuststartedgoingoutsquee-like.

Which probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but, yeah. I loved it.

squee!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

It's the Jack Law of Gravitational Effect. Any time he's in a rom with Carter, he... is magnetically drawn towards her. If he's allowed to, this means he gropes as often as possible... *eg*

Glad you liked it. :)