lyssie | porn... All nos' fault.

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porn... All nos' fault.

Wow. ok. So. This got really long. And I'm not sure I wanked enough. But. Eh...

I am so *frelling* sick of the "Virgins suck at writing porn!" argument. I've seen it in nearly every fandom I've been around, and it's getting old. You know what? It's wrong.

Writing porn is not easy.

Have you masturbated to orgasm? Yes? Then, yay, you. Now you know what that feels like. Is it all hearts and flowers and exploding stars and the earth shattering kaboom romance novels (and MOST PORN written by virgins and non-virgins alike) says it is? Probably not. Probably, if you don't spend a lot of time practicing, it's merely mediocre.

If you haven't, you can still intellectually guess at how it feels. All nerves firing off, your muscles twitching...

Some people are screamers. Some people are not. Some people blush when they orgasm. Some people? Are bored at the thought of actually cresting the wave (to be pathetically descriptive).

No. If you're a virgin, you don't know what it feels like to have another person's hands on your body. You don't know what fingers, toes, lips, tongue, other sexual organ feels like against you.

If you're a woman (and you masturbate), you understand the concept of self-lubrication. You know approximately how long it takes you to get wet, and how thick, and how much. If you're smart, you also know that there are a hundred variations on how women react to mental visual and physical stimuli. No two women get horny in exactly the same way.

Men, on the other hand, have it slightly easier (or harder, tongue firmly in cheek). Generally, penises (penii?) don't require self-lubrication (although research says there is pre-cum)--well, actually, lubrication that's water-based is probably best. Penises get hard. It's a fact of life. They get hard a lot easier than most women get wet. Does this mean men think about sex more? Maybe. I think it simply means it's faster for them to get excited about it.

Everyone has their own personal kinks. Does this mean the characters you write about can't share yours? Nope. Unless it's been explicitly shown in canon, who's to say Lizzie Weir doesn't like being tied up, John Crichton hates chocolate licked off his body, or Scott Summers and Jean Grey routinely have sex in the lake because water turns them on?

Honestly, the limits of porn are your imagination. If it turns you on writing it, then you've done well. If it turns other people on, then you've done fabulously.

Does it need to be realistic? Sure. Does it need to read like a sex manual? Dear god, no.

If you're not a virgin, does this make you better at porn? Fuck, no. I wave Laurell K. Hamilton's entirely pathetic and stupid porn scenes from every book she's written. They are not hot, they are not kinky, and they're boring.

Writing porn isn't like writing other things.

It isn't? I thought it was all about your descriptive imagination. Could've fooled me.

HOW is writing porn any different from writing, say, an action scene? A sting operation? A black op? A drug bust? Have you personally been involved in ANY of those? No? Then WHY is it any different?

And don't give me the "research" bullshit. Because it applies to porn just as much.

Been on a jewelry heist lately? No? Then why can you write one and be told "ohmigod that was so real!"

How can you know it's real if you've never done it?

Imagination.

Porn is also subjective. What turns one person on will turn another off.

Language certainly figures into it.

Some people don't like realistic porn (including those who've done it). Others prefer it. Still others prefer the hearts and flowery language of romance novels.

You've got your common variety slang terms. Dick, cunt, cock, pussy, tits.

Then there's the factual terms. Breasts, vagina, penis.

And there's the strange ones. Sweater meat. Kielbassa. Pita pocket.

The flowery ones. Feminine core. Petals (I am SO SICK of petals. MY GOD. It's not a fucking flower!). Steel rod (or does that fall under one of the others?)

Then there are the emotions. A lot of people are about the emotions involved. The true love and trust built up.

Other people are all about the one-night stands in back alleys. Some are about the masochism of not liking the person who's being fucked.

There are balanced people, who like all of the above (except the petals). There are people who hate one thing, but madly love another, and people who are indifferent, but prefer angry tablesex.

And there are even people who don't like porn at all. Who look at it and think, "Well, there's someone who didn't have any imagination, so they wrote porn instead."

In the end, the only thing limiting porn is your own personal preferences. And your own willingness to research, push the boundaries... Or go out and have sex against the wall of a bar/pub/tavern with that cute guy in the lunchroom...

Legitemate porn is all in the mind.

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Word.

It's the skill and experience of the writer at *writing* that determines the quality of the sex scene, not the skill and experience of the writer in bed (or on the table, or against the wall, or on the seat of the truck...)

*nods* Precisely.

Mmm. Wallporn.

Wallporn. Mmmmmm.

Apocrypha by Ness. Guh. *fans self*

Tell us all how much sex u dun!

Can I talk about my life as a spy for the CIA instead?

Bahhh.... we need to know so we know if you talk sense or virgin lies!

Virgin lies, all the way.

omg u been lying 2 uz all dis tim3?!

Today is Thursday. Of *course* I've been lying all the time.

How else could I be innocent?

What, CIA spies don't have sex??

Kinky sex in Taiwanese back alleys, actually.

and people who are indifferent, but prefer angry tablesex.

Stop talking about me. ;)

And as to the rest... good point. I think people need to take care with all types of writing. Know as much as you can to try not to sound like a moron about something (Marines, etc. decend from helicopters head first for a freaking reason) and then just bite the bullet and be ready to revise.

Lord knows I was jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room of rocking chairs when I posted my first slighty erotic piece. (As you well know.) But it turned out fine and people did really enjoy it. So. Eh, whatever.

*scritch*

And. Never. Talking about angry tablesex makes my brain happy.

And still as someone without personal experience, I am reluctant to write smut.

*hides smutty fics*

Now reading...

I think I was once that way. Then I hit a point where I was like, "Ah, screw it. I like how this works. *post*

*eyes* You have smut?

I just rarely have the urge to write smut, I guess. I have 2 fics that are sort of R and drabbles too but really nothing that I'd consider smut =o)

Thanks, Lyss. Jean and Scott are going to be fucking in a lake in the back of my heads for the resto f the day now.

Oh, and the rest of that was nicely put. Yes.

But gyah.

*smirk*

There is no such thing as "too much wanking" in porn.
IMHO.

*ahem*

I'll keep that in mind. *eg*

~~I'll get the Kleenex.~~

*ahem*

I'm a virgin, but I figure the best way to write good porn is to go out and read a lot of good porn ... I had no idea until people told me so that it was impossible to do it except by going out and having sex with as many people as possible. Who'd've thunk it?

Thank you for this. :-)

I hate the words "penis" and "vagina" though. They're yucky words. There's no good word for pussy to be used in fic. That may be why I write more slash than not. I like cocks. Cock is a good word. Pussy? Not so much.

"Clitoris" is an okay word, but then you have to start talking about the *other* parts of the vagina, or at least go all vague. Bah, I say!

heh. See, I can't stand clitoris, for some reason. I know it's what it's called,, but. Geeze. "Suck my clitoris!" just sounds strangely wrong.

I can't think of a single slang or literal term for genitalia that doesn't sound grating in porn. I simply don't like any of them. The literal terms sound too clinical, the slang too... stupid. Every single specific anatomical reference I read jars my belief in the story, unless done with uncommon (and lucky) spectacularness.

This is why I only like explicit alien sex. Because "tentacles" is a good word, and "mind" is a good word, and "cilia" is a good word, and "protoplasm" is a good word, and "extradimensional energy flow", that's good too. Plus, you know, aliens. Very Ziggy Stardust.

*cough* And how does it explain people like me who are indifferent towards actual sex but can write good sex? I mean, gosh, I sure as hell don't use first hand experience for reference.

Labia is a good word. So is mons. Clitoris gets a bit more tricky. In modern writing you can often say clit but in old fashioned times, it wouldn't even be mentioned, even in private. You get physical descriptions like nub, stem, plus all sorts of vague metaphors.

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