lyssie | Lyssie's not so graphic 'fandom secrets'

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Lyssie's not so graphic 'fandom secrets'

Am cranky at the world in general, which leads me to be obnoxious. Consider the following to contain lots of opinions and probable spoilers for many many things.

1. Character-bashing. Pointless waste of time. If half of your NCIS fic is a diatribe about how stupid and annoying Ari is, and how he should die, you've missed the entire point of fic-writing: ie, to entertain people. (hypothetical, of course. I don't read NCIS fic as it appears to all either be slash or het that makes me flee. Fast. And I hate Ari.)

2. Corollary to the above: if you can't manage to write a pairing/character without bashing the third wheel out, you're not a good writer, so stop. I don't care if canon dictates said person be there, you're an idiot. Failing stopping writing, find a beta reader who likes the character you hate, and listen to them when they tell you're full of shit and should re-write portions of your diatribe against Admiral Cain and why she should die in a fire.

3. If you don't like female characters and you're a woman, please shoot yourself in the head. Hint: gun barrel in your mouth, pointing up and back.

4. Reality TV is a waste of time.

5. Yes, I do think less of you if you ship boyslash pairings first.

6. If you tend to go on and on about how 'no one writes the women of Torchwood', please shut the fuck up. I've written the women of Torchwood, you just haven't noticed.

7. Every time an author of a small pairing writes fic for a pairing that ate fandom, I think less of them. This goes double if the small pairing was het and the large one is boyslash. Stop selling out for more feedback, assholes.

8. Anyone who goes on about how slash is transformative, subverting gender paradigms and that it's much more dynamic than het or gen loses any respect I might have had for them. Shut up. Just admit vaginas scare you.

9. Every time a female character hate thread pops up, studios see a hundred less reasons to bother writing female characters, much less good ones.

10. Feminism is supposedly about equality, not about how many men you can make have sex with each other.

11. BSG fandom: "OMG there's no slash!" Me: Please. Cry harder. Although I'd enjoy being in a fandom with more fic about the women if 90% of it weren't romance-novel schlock about how Perfect And True Kara's Love for Lee is.

12. Women do not need husbands and children to be complete.

13. Stargate: Atlantis is misogynistic tripe that glorifies women being second-class citizens, unable to make a decision because they're just not that intelligent. Remember, girls, you need a man to make those difficult decisions for you. Not only that, if you actually have a conversation with another woman, the only thing you'll be able to discuss is who you're sleeping with. Because men are the be-all and end-all of your world.

14. I honestly do think Kara Thrace ending up with Lee Adama would be complete and utter character-rape on Kara's side (on both, really). She's not the perfect little wife Lee wants, and to become that, she'd have to be lobotomized.

15. I really am writing the same fic over and over again and just changing the names. Sorry.

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I...I want to crosspost this so bad...

o.O Er, you can if you want to.

As tempting as it is to do that or to repeat the sentiments...I actually have slashers on my f-list, who view themselves as the downtrodden(how that's possible as slash dominates every freaking online fandom ever, I DO NOT KNOW, but there you have it...)

If this were ten years ago, I'd say that, sure, boyslash was less written and seen. But everything is pretty damned equal, nowadays, and some fandoms are completely full of it, with little to no attention paid the female characters (hi, Torchwood fandom).

And let's not forget that boyslash has been around since the original Star Trek series. So it's not like it's some new phenomenon.

Try having a lot of the ones you want to find good stuff/talk about the most be in the anime/manga fandom, where it is automatically assumed that if you're female, you're into yaoi. And, honestly, yaoi fans? It's REALLY OBVIOUS what's going on when it's male lead + generally regarded hottest/most popular character, or an acknowledged favorite with the hot one. And contrary to claims of "subtext," most mangaka practically bash our brains in with a sledgehammer establishing the leads' sexuality.

Can I have this laminated?

Or, better yet, on a t-shirt?

I do actually have a laminator...

Why do I feel "terrible ideas" coming on?

If I don't get distracted and make more Kara/Anders being hot and snarky at each other laminated cards...

We've never met, but I kind of want to have your babies just because of that icon.

Teyla has the best 'I'm about to kill' looks.

Hah! Thank you! (It's a phrase that was coined by a friend of mine. It just seemed to work for Teyla. If you want it, feel free to take it.)

She really does.

OMG, I'm completely in love with your icon.

Heh, thank you. I'm rather fond of it. (As I said above, if you want it, feel free to take it. It makes me happy that other people derive joy from Teyla's "shut up before I kill you" looks.)

*points to icon* Teyla's "shut up before I kill you" looks are a thing of joy forever, and this joy should be shared. Primarily with everyone that pisses me off. ;)

Thank you! I'm totally stealing that icon, and I'll be sure to credit you!

I do not know this character but am in love with that icon.

And it makes me want to reread my Nightside books...

(deleted comment)

*snerk* No one would be happy if I was cranky all the time. Least of all, me.

Oh, Lyssie, if I were to get started, we'd be here ALL NIGHT.

I know. And I could probably go on for far longer, but I was going for brevity and my current state of mind.

Okay, I confess, I also didn't want to rant in an unlocked post. (Sometimes I think that I need to start a female-positive filter on my LJ, and then I realize that's essentially what my snark filter is.)

Hah. Yes, well, I'm bored as well as cranky. Possibly, my subconscious was like, "OMG. Wank?"

Also, now I have a public post to point people towards when they're like "can I friend you?" and I'm like "I'm crazy. You sure you want to?"

Bwah! I think your crazy is part of the fun.

My crazy is pleased by this.

*cowers* I'm not even a rabid slasher and this still makes me kind of glad I don't share a fandom with you anymore...

11. BSG fandom: "OMG there's no slash!" Me: Please. Cry harder. Although I'd enjoy being in a fandom with more fic about the women if 90% of it weren't romance-novel schlock about how Perfect And True Kara's Love for Lee is.

Do people really whinge about the lack of BSG boyslash? I guess I can't hear it over the noise of all the Kara/Lee prattle. There's a fair supply of BSG femslash.

The amount of femslash always makes me a little giddy, actually.

And, yes, there's a sadness and distinct discontent about the lack of boyslash that truly makes me roll my eyes.

These make me happy.

Just admit vaginas scare you.

I want THAT on a t-shirt.

If I had a cafepress/etsy type store, I would make them there.

Not quite the same... but:

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/heart/-/pv_design_prod/p_1875877.118283063/pNo_118283063/id_18338765/fpt_/opt_/c_666/pg_1

Bwahahahah.

my, you are cranky tonight, aren't you?

Honey, I've been cranky for weeks. It just finally came bursting out tonight.

yeah, I've noticed. Hopefully now you've got it off your chest and you feel better now?

I think so. I mean, I'm still going to have to headdesk every time--I am completely uncertain what I was going to say, because I looked over and Bobby and Alex were being Bobby and Alex (Criminal Intent), and it's entirely distracting.

Seriously. Alex looks like she wants to shoot something when she says "Don't tell me they took his brain." And Bobby's all "...um... well..."

Alex looks like she wants to shoot something when she says "Don't tell me they took his brain."

HAHAHAHA. I really miss them being *them* back when Bobby would actually *care* about not pissing Alex off.

Your list? MARRY ME. I don't agree with everything (REALITY TEEVEE IS TOO AN EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE! Lessons such as, "Don't be an asshole!") but I LOVE YOU.

THANK you for the women parts of your rant.

I got to explain to someone today that "feminist" means that radical idea that women are people and equal, not wanting women to be superior in every way. It was a win over the propaganda that "feminist" is a dirty word.

Yay in very way for fic about women!

You're welcome.

And, yes, exactly.

So very, very excellent! This summarizes much of my feelings about fandom perfectly, except more articulate.

Personally, I'm sick to death of all the Deep Thoughts, navel-gazing slash meta. Please, you're not saving starving children here - you're writing PORN! Without any women!

Plus their obsession with lube makes me cranky.

I have other issues, but I'll stop there.

*laughs*

Thank you.

The odd thing is, I don't mind meta, but, sheesh. It's all been written by this point. Let's move along and just write porn/gen/whatever.

Now that I've gotten this off my chest, I should take my own advice.

There are so many parts to this that I was nodding to, saying, "YES! Yep. Uh-huh!"

But the best line is the vagina one.

I think some people are just afraid of all the girl parts.

I think some people are just afraid of all the girl parts.

That is the only conclusion I can come to. Sigh.

OMG Iwanttohaveyourbabies, because, WOW, that is all so spot on!
I've been nodding vehemently through all of these (even the Torchwood ones, which isn't a fandom I'm into), 3 9 10 and 13 had me bouncing in my chair, and 12? How much do I agree with 12?! Even if I'm a hopeless het/shippy romantic, my own life is all about number 12. And happily so, thanks muchly!

I'll stop blathering now ;-)
This much awesome has a tendency to make me blather and flail ;-)

15 made me giggle :-)

No babies! *flees*

I will note that 12 also has the double corollary of: Men don't need babies/etc, either. AND, women and men who want them aren't stupid/etc.

Ah, see, you had me sooooo bouncy with the whole OMG I AGREE WITH YOU SO.MUCH. thing that I forgot to put in the all important disclaimer "-if- I ever wanted to have babies", which I don't, so no need to flee ;-)

And YES to the double corollary. Now if those men and women who want to be married and have babies only would respect my choices and wishes instead of looking at me pityingly like I'm crazy and don't know what I'm talking about..

I might be crazy, but not on this count

Forgot to add that also: women who have babies don't suddenly loose their brain.
It seems to be that way on tv, but IRL also. At least where I am. If you want to continue your career, you better not want to take extended maternity leave (beyond the ridiculously short few weeks we get here) or want to, you know, work part-time so your 8-month-old baby doesn't have to spend all week in daycare.

Here, when women decide to stay home for the first two years of their kids' lives, they're automatically regaled to being a secretary, admin assistant, or something else that's just this ginormous waste of their graduate degree and pre-pregnancy experience if they ever do decide to return to the workforce.
IMNSHO that's just the biggest pile of manure ever, but what do I know?

Does, "all people are equal, but men are a little bit more equal than women" ring a bell, anyone?
Makes me so.mad.

Edited 2008-02-19 05:57 (UTC)

BSG - there is no slash

There is in my universe. I seem to have lots of it on my PC. Mostly written by Widget and Inlovewithnight, which is alwaysa a good thing :)

Now, Vaughn/Sark slash is hard to find, but then Alias is such a HET based fandom, despite the fact that the show is as slashy as hell. The Sark/Vaughn torture scenes are so inspring and Sark, bless, once gets described as "the beautiful man" so no hint there then :)

Edited 2008-02-18 12:42 (UTC)

*giggles* Yes, but there is not the overwhelming amount?

Alias being more het-based is a bit surprising. If you'd asked, I would have said it was slashy. Hrm.

As far as I can see, and I am over-dosing on Alias fic at the moment, it is over-whelmingly het - syd/vaughn or syd/sark. Slash is rare and vaughn/sark even harder to find, which as you say is slightly amazing given the amount of times those two lovely boys spend together, fighting and even hot, and naked. I swear the end of season three is an ode to HoYay. Seriously. There is complete gratuitous nakedness between boys (while being totured) and snarky one-liners about masculinity. And lets just face it - in the finale, despite being a sociopath, but oh so cute, Vaughn ( who really cannot be that gormless as he has been living a lie and covering that up ) lets Sark go!!!!! In the epilogue, 7 years later, he has this cute but shifty look when Syd teases him about this. I have this whole thing where they meet up once a year, fight, have sex and then go back to wifey/arms dealing. It is love I tell you.

Amen to:

1,2,3 !!!
5. I'm ambivalent about.
6. I can't answer to.
7!
8. x a million. Really, get over yourselves.
9. x a million. It just gives them lease to kill off the women without consequence. (See Lost. See Heroes.)
10. Duh
11. Say what?
12. I actually have a corollary to this one. Yes, I whole heartedly agree that women don't need husband and children to complete them. On the other hand I also hate that if a female character does become a mother, from that point on she is pretty much relegated to "baby in jeopardy" storylines... and that's about it. It's as though, for dramatic purposes, she's dead. And this does NOT refect the reality of life for women who are mothers. I hate what happened to Cally and Athena on BSG last year. Folding laundry and whining? Gah.

13. I can't answer to it.
14. You've sold me.
15. Nah.

4. Hmmm, there's a couple I kinda like - ducking incoming.

12. YES. That, too. Also, having/wanting babies doesn't make you an asshole/stupid/weak, either. That's actually something I've ranted about before, because BSG really did fall into that cliche hole last season.

I've got my fingers crossed it'll recover, this season.

I sure hope they pull it out. Because that is one deep cliche hole that those characters fell into.

12. I actually have a corollary to this one. Yes, I whole heartedly agree that women don't need husband and children to complete them. On the other hand I also hate that if a female character does become a mother, from that point on she is pretty much relegated to "baby in jeopardy" storylines... and that's about it. It's as though, for dramatic purposes, she's dead. And this does NOT refect the reality of life for women who are mothers. I hate what happened to Cally and Athena on BSG last year. Folding laundry and whining? Gah.

Man. Now I'm angry all over again. Because yeah, why did getting Hera back mean going from shooting people in the kneecaps to folding Helo's sox? I love Helo ~~shirtless~~ but who the hell got the idea that he's the more interesting half of that couple, whom we should be building episodes around? TWK was never going to be great BSG but it would have been so much better if it had centered around Athena - can you imagine how it all would have looked from a Cylon perspective? A bit more interesting, at least. *mutters*

Edited 2008-02-19 10:08 (UTC)

Ah, a fine rant indeed.

Amen to 1-4. I don't really have an opinion about the boyslash people, probably because I'm lucky enough to not be in a fandom where they're the overwhelming majority. But I just can't get into it at all. Why would you want to leave out the women? They're the best part!

7. Um. *Sits on K/L ficathon notes and whistles innocently* Hey, I pissed off one of their BNFs so I'm sure some of them won't write me reviews anyway. ;p *offers finished! K/S fic as penance*

8. There was this REALLY funny thread on F-W a couple days ago.

9. *kicks things*

10. Feminism does not approve of these shenanigans.

11. Fine with me. :D And I know part of it is my limited imagination, but I just have a hard time getting past a character's canon orientation. So while I would love to see more fic exploring relationships between say, Lee and Anders or Anders and Chief, I wish it didn't all have to involve sex. Not even because of the orientation issue alone -it's just hard to imagine those characters getting it on, for a few reasons. I ... sort of have the same issue with most femslash, not to mention Kara/Adama (!) though I'll read it and get something out of it if there's Kara. :D

13. *glad she doesn't watch that show*

14. I... get the same feeling sometimes. Though, I'm holding out hope that it's fandom that's done that to me with all the sexist badfic and the "Lee needs to take control/Kara needs a man who can keep her in line" crap, more than the actual characters. Grrr.

15. Aw, I don't think so. We all have recurring themes, that's all. *G*

Edited 2008-02-19 10:02 (UTC)

7. Sigh. I do actually know there are exceptions. It's just. (and right now, I'm tired and cranky enough not to white-wash this. Incoming whining) there are ten thousand Kara/Lee fic writers. There are five Kara/Sam writers. Five, Allie. If you take me out of the equation, that leaves about twenty Kara/Sam fics, total.

And that's a high estimate.

10. This is very true. I need an icon that says that.

14. It's the "Kara has to fix herself for Lee" part that is, in fact, somewhat canon, that makes me consider it. Because Lee? Does not want Kara Thrace. He wants some mythical, womanly wife who is only occasionally a brash bitch, but is mostly sweet and etc.

I thought I commented on this already, whoops.

1. Thank you. This happens in every. single. fandom. and I hate it. Even if I don't like a character, i'm not going to waste my time bashing them every chance I get.

2. Sigh, again. Happens too much, and it will throw me out of a fic faster than you can blink.

14. I used to not feel that way, but as the series has progressed and watching how fandom reacts to the two, i've definitely changed my opinion.

I pretty much agree with the rest as well, just don't want to make you read a mile long comment. ;)

1. The bashing just... It's such a waste of time. Sigh.

2. It's what makes reading anything in BSG hard for me. And causes ranting.

14. You know, the new promo images make me even crankier about this.

Sigh.

(deleted comment)

The rape, it burns.

(I had no idea it was so prevalent. But. Ew)

The fact that it is the female fans doing this blatant vagina-hating is very annoying. And worrisome. Sigh.

RAR.

And ranting is good, for it... hopefully stops you from killing your co-workers. AT LEAST, that is my theory...

eta: argh. But yes yes yes, everything you said.

Edited 2008-02-23 04:48 (UTC)

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Lyssie's not so graphic 'fandom secrets'

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