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Entry tags:
fic: SG-1, Season ten, Observing the Wildlife
IT IS STILL
HERE. DAMNIT.
Disclaimer: not mine.
Rating: 13ish. innuendo?
Spoilers: season ten, at some point.
Pairings: everyone/everyone
Notes: This is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
woodface. Belated happy birthday. (alos, I love Vala. Lots)
Length: 900+ (I've given up on hitting 1,000, my feet ARE COLD)
Observing the Wildlife
by ALC Punk!
Vala was making that face again. It started out as a smile, then veered into a pout, but first it went through random contortions as she tried to express her boredom.
Really, Cameron couldn't blame her. Jackson when he got started was hard to stop--and his enthusiasm for his subject made you think it might be interesting until halfway through when you realized you couldn't understand a damned word he meant with phrases like 'cultural median', 'holographic sample', and 'diverse evolutionary background'.
Sam, of course, had long ago perfected the art of looking perfectly attentive. Cameron was certain, however, that she was mentally doing wormhole equations, planning world domination and possibly contemplating tea.
Then there was Teal'c. And Cameron knew Teal'c was sleeping with his eyes open. The man was damn scary like that.
Someday, he'd learn the art of Teal'c. Until then, he was stuck with trying to think of things that weren't wormhole equations--those would put him to sleep. And, since Jackson had passed boring and incomprehensible for gibberish, Cameron settled down to focus on Vala.
For a little while, she didn't seem to notice him watching her. But once she did, her behavior changed ever so slightly. The boredom gave way to a smug little smile which gave way to what might have been evil intent. When he felt her foot nudge his under the table, he shifted. Yanking it back would be noticeable. He'd have to ease it back slowly. Of course, Vala's foot followed his.
Trying to avoid footsie was certainly keeping him far more awake than Jackson's discussion.
And it wasn't that he didn't want to play footsie. It was just that he suspected Vala of ulterior motives. Not to mention that sort of thing in front of General Landry was putting a pall on the entire idea.
Maybe he shouldn't have focused on her. Maybe he should've stared at Sam. Sam wouldn't do something like try to play footsie with him.
Would she?
One glance at innocent Samantha Carter convinced him that maybe he was wrong. He swallowed and looked at Jackson. Maybe if he really seemed to be paying attention, Vala would get the hint.
Landry, of course, chose that moment to interrupt, "Dr. Jackson, I know I'm not the only one at this table who has no idea what you're talking about."
A cough escaped Cameron and he shifted, yanking his feet back as close to his chair as he could--he could swear it wasn't Vala who looked disappointed, but he wasn't going to double-check that it had been Sam screwing with him. "Sir, I think you should--"
"I'm talking, Colonel." Landry paused, "Unless you'd like to explain to the rest of the class?"
"Uh, well," his mama had always told him talk was cheap, but that might not cut it here. "Dr. Jackson was explaining--"
"Really, Cameron, it's quite obvious," Vala sounded bored, even as she interrupted. "So obvious, I'm surprised even you couldn't get it."
"Do explain, Ms. Mal Doran," suggested Landry, tone mild.
"Well, what Daniel was saying--with his horrible phrasing and long words. I'm sorry, Daniel, but, really, you do go on a bit--what Daniel was saying was that they didn't like us because Colonel Carter and I wouldn't bow our heads and put on sackcloth and ashes." summarized Vala, a note of triumph in her voice.
"And the cultural significance?"
"Well, they're obviously very backwards." With a grin towards Sam, Vala explained, "After all, they should know that women do far better with their heads up and their breasts out."
"Not literally, of course," said Sam.
"No, I meant literally. You'd be surprised how much you accomplish when half the population can't think straight because your breasts are bare." Taking in their surprised looks, she continued, "Not that I'd recommend it now, of course. Earth society is far too sophisticated for such a facile ploy."
"You'd be surprised," Sam muttered.
"People." Interrupted Landry.
Jackson sat back down and shrugged, "Well, she's got it mostly right. Anyone else want to add anything to the report?"
Every other member of SG-1 shook their heads.
General Landry smiled, "I love it when your debriefings are shorter, people. Go home, take some time off and bake cookies."
"Cookies, sir?"
"Sure, Mitchell, I like cookies." Landry waved a hand, "You're all dismissed."
Cameron stood and exchanged a baffled look with Sam. "Um, what type of cookies, sir?"
"Oh, can we make chocolate chip?" demanded Vala, before Landry could reply. "I quite like those. Especially the ones that come with the colored Ms in them."
"M&Ms," Jackson corrected patiently, stopping in the midst of packing up his notes to add, "I like mint chocolate chips."
"Yes, those," a bright grin dazzled them all, "Can we make cookies? With the mints, too?"
"You can't have mints and M&Ms," Cameron objected.
"Why not?"
"Yes, Cameron, why not?"
Landry chuckled and interrupted before he could answer. "It sounds like a good team-bonding experience, Colonel." And that sounded like an order to Cameron.
He again looked at Sam. "Sir, what if we burn down someone's kitchen?"
"Don't let that happen."
Right. Him. And Sam. And a kitchen. Not to mention Vala, Jackson and Teal'c. Cameron tried to smile, "All right. Everyone meet up top in an hour. We'll go break in my stove."
"Great!" Vala clapped. "I love going off-base. Can we go shopping while we're there?"
"We'll have to buy cookie-making supplies, so... Yeah."
Oh, yes. Cameron watched her bounce out of the room. Just the thought of Vala, released upon the local grocery store, intent on buying ingredients for cookies was scary. The actual reality would probably be far worse.
This was going to be bad.
-tbc-
HERE. DAMNIT.
Disclaimer: not mine.
Rating: 13ish. innuendo?
Spoilers: season ten, at some point.
Pairings: everyone/everyone
Notes: This is for
woodface. Belated happy birthday. (alos, I love Vala. Lots)Length: 900+ (I've given up on hitting 1,000, my feet ARE COLD)
Observing the Wildlife
by ALC Punk!
Vala was making that face again. It started out as a smile, then veered into a pout, but first it went through random contortions as she tried to express her boredom.
Really, Cameron couldn't blame her. Jackson when he got started was hard to stop--and his enthusiasm for his subject made you think it might be interesting until halfway through when you realized you couldn't understand a damned word he meant with phrases like 'cultural median', 'holographic sample', and 'diverse evolutionary background'.
Sam, of course, had long ago perfected the art of looking perfectly attentive. Cameron was certain, however, that she was mentally doing wormhole equations, planning world domination and possibly contemplating tea.
Then there was Teal'c. And Cameron knew Teal'c was sleeping with his eyes open. The man was damn scary like that.
Someday, he'd learn the art of Teal'c. Until then, he was stuck with trying to think of things that weren't wormhole equations--those would put him to sleep. And, since Jackson had passed boring and incomprehensible for gibberish, Cameron settled down to focus on Vala.
For a little while, she didn't seem to notice him watching her. But once she did, her behavior changed ever so slightly. The boredom gave way to a smug little smile which gave way to what might have been evil intent. When he felt her foot nudge his under the table, he shifted. Yanking it back would be noticeable. He'd have to ease it back slowly. Of course, Vala's foot followed his.
Trying to avoid footsie was certainly keeping him far more awake than Jackson's discussion.
And it wasn't that he didn't want to play footsie. It was just that he suspected Vala of ulterior motives. Not to mention that sort of thing in front of General Landry was putting a pall on the entire idea.
Maybe he shouldn't have focused on her. Maybe he should've stared at Sam. Sam wouldn't do something like try to play footsie with him.
Would she?
One glance at innocent Samantha Carter convinced him that maybe he was wrong. He swallowed and looked at Jackson. Maybe if he really seemed to be paying attention, Vala would get the hint.
Landry, of course, chose that moment to interrupt, "Dr. Jackson, I know I'm not the only one at this table who has no idea what you're talking about."
A cough escaped Cameron and he shifted, yanking his feet back as close to his chair as he could--he could swear it wasn't Vala who looked disappointed, but he wasn't going to double-check that it had been Sam screwing with him. "Sir, I think you should--"
"I'm talking, Colonel." Landry paused, "Unless you'd like to explain to the rest of the class?"
"Uh, well," his mama had always told him talk was cheap, but that might not cut it here. "Dr. Jackson was explaining--"
"Really, Cameron, it's quite obvious," Vala sounded bored, even as she interrupted. "So obvious, I'm surprised even you couldn't get it."
"Do explain, Ms. Mal Doran," suggested Landry, tone mild.
"Well, what Daniel was saying--with his horrible phrasing and long words. I'm sorry, Daniel, but, really, you do go on a bit--what Daniel was saying was that they didn't like us because Colonel Carter and I wouldn't bow our heads and put on sackcloth and ashes." summarized Vala, a note of triumph in her voice.
"And the cultural significance?"
"Well, they're obviously very backwards." With a grin towards Sam, Vala explained, "After all, they should know that women do far better with their heads up and their breasts out."
"Not literally, of course," said Sam.
"No, I meant literally. You'd be surprised how much you accomplish when half the population can't think straight because your breasts are bare." Taking in their surprised looks, she continued, "Not that I'd recommend it now, of course. Earth society is far too sophisticated for such a facile ploy."
"You'd be surprised," Sam muttered.
"People." Interrupted Landry.
Jackson sat back down and shrugged, "Well, she's got it mostly right. Anyone else want to add anything to the report?"
Every other member of SG-1 shook their heads.
General Landry smiled, "I love it when your debriefings are shorter, people. Go home, take some time off and bake cookies."
"Cookies, sir?"
"Sure, Mitchell, I like cookies." Landry waved a hand, "You're all dismissed."
Cameron stood and exchanged a baffled look with Sam. "Um, what type of cookies, sir?"
"Oh, can we make chocolate chip?" demanded Vala, before Landry could reply. "I quite like those. Especially the ones that come with the colored Ms in them."
"M&Ms," Jackson corrected patiently, stopping in the midst of packing up his notes to add, "I like mint chocolate chips."
"Yes, those," a bright grin dazzled them all, "Can we make cookies? With the mints, too?"
"You can't have mints and M&Ms," Cameron objected.
"Why not?"
"Yes, Cameron, why not?"
Landry chuckled and interrupted before he could answer. "It sounds like a good team-bonding experience, Colonel." And that sounded like an order to Cameron.
He again looked at Sam. "Sir, what if we burn down someone's kitchen?"
"Don't let that happen."
Right. Him. And Sam. And a kitchen. Not to mention Vala, Jackson and Teal'c. Cameron tried to smile, "All right. Everyone meet up top in an hour. We'll go break in my stove."
"Great!" Vala clapped. "I love going off-base. Can we go shopping while we're there?"
"We'll have to buy cookie-making supplies, so... Yeah."
Oh, yes. Cameron watched her bounce out of the room. Just the thought of Vala, released upon the local grocery store, intent on buying ingredients for cookies was scary. The actual reality would probably be far worse.
This was going to be bad.
-tbc-
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Oh yes, this can't end well! Or can it... :D
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It depends on if Vala is as scary a cook as he thinks she is.
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Great fun!
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Of course all writers rightly hate it when someone says this, because if it were really part of the story we'd've written it in the first place, but it's an honest reaction so I'll risk the wrath:
I'd like to see this continued.
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Thank you =)
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The art of Teal'c. That's great.
I didn't miss the missing 100 words at all.
Very fun. With cookies.
sharon
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Thank you =)
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I think there might have to be an alien invasion to distract them from the mess...
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Thank you =)
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"People." Interrupted Landry.
For some reason, I find this the most hilarious line in this ficlet, among others.
Totally dig how Vala's playing footsie with Sam while mentally paraphrasing Daniel's anthropo-babble; Sam's playing footsie with Cam while crunching equations in her head; Teal'c is sending subliminal messages to Landry, who's keeping up with SG-1 only because he herds cats with military nonchalance. You've captured the women's intelligence and multi-tasking abilities perfectly.
But Teal'c is probably the ONLY one who can successfully bake those darn cookies!