Because I'm sure you all wanted to know... (Jaka)

[lyssie]

How batshit-fucking-insane Jaka is.

The recent discussion on the 17+ list included one poster mentioning a scary Gundam Wing fic which involved using a pistol to bring a woman off. Now, those of us who are female already knew this was a bad idea.

Jaka, apparently, doesn't think we know that enough, and proceeds to tell us WHY it's bad. In fairly graphic detail.

::::Begin Transmission::::
First off, guns are very unsanitary, have edges that could damage a vagina, the gun oil stinks for days no matter how much you wash your hands (talking from personal experience with an ak fortyseven), their shape would hurt a woman more than bring pleasure.

And then we even have to consider the damage done to the gun itself, also having to consider than any form of a gun (sidearms or assault rifles) are expensive. Female sexual juices aren't exactly good for the mechanisms and the materials from which it is made. It
would take alot to clean it (more than it would be worth it), though there's a big chance it would never be clean enough and who would want to run around with a gun that smells of a woman's juices?

And who would risk the chance of a forgotten round in the chamber?
::::End Transmission::::

Words do not describe how much I wish he would go away.

Comments

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

A radio station in Dallas, reportedly, was talking about how women can actually fuck themselves on a door knob. This idea always fascinates me in an icky sort of way.

*shudders*

[bijoux.livejournal.com]

I don't want to know.

I should become Victorian again. I just - !!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

....Ow.

OW.

That's, just.. omg. OW.

[angualupin.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[nique.livejournal.com]

It's very disconcerting to see someone I don't personally know with a Domino icon... O.o

[angualupin.livejournal.com]

You wouldn't happen to be Lyssie's X-Force obsessed roommate, would you? Because if so we should go hang in a corner and spaz. I know very few people who read X-Men, and none of them are X-Force fans.

[nique.livejournal.com]

I am! She has been telling me about you. Heh.

[persephone-kore.livejournal.com]

...I really hope step one was "Remove doorknob from door."

[bijoux.livejournal.com]

Female sexual juices

OMG NO.

who would want to run around with a gun that smells of a woman's juices?

OMG WHY DID I READ THAT?

*am blinded*

Is Jaka that crazy dude on SG-1 lists or something or other?

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*smug*

Here, have Lee and Kara staring angstily at each other, or something.

"Lee."

He wouldn't look at her.

"Lee, it's just a frakking pyramid ball."

He sighed.

"Look, I can get another one--" ok, maybe she couldn't. Kara rolled her eyes. "It's all right that you lost it in the rain. I won't kill you." This time.

"Kara--"

"Well, maybe a little." She smirked at him. "After all, it was the last pyramid ball in the universe."

"You are such a brat."

....er, yes.

Yes. Yes he is. He's also, apparently, on some JAG lists.

[nique.livejournal.com]

...

I kept thinking that female sexual juices would figure into Lee... smelling the ball, or something.

[amykay73.livejournal.com]

{hangs head} I had the same thought.

[bijoux.livejournal.com]

Ooh, shiny drabble. Thanks - my vision has miraculously been restored.

Though, I didn't read your preface all the way through before I first skimmed the drabble the first time, and was thus imagining pyramid balls going where no pyramid ball should ever go (and then pondering the logistics of that), and was doubly horrified.

Then my brain kicked in and sorted things out. Thank goodness.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

...no, no, he accidently lost the ball while they were slogging through the rain on Kobol.

Now I need my brain washed out.

[musicforcylons.livejournal.com]

(talking from personal experience with an ak fortyseven)

...that musta hurt.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

We can only hope.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Well, damn. There goes Friday night.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

I'm sure goop will get rid of the gun oil....

[aj.livejournal.com]

...

Wasn't this the thing that made me run screaming from that story like six months ago?

Crazy people scare me.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Well, the scary S/J one was a water gun, iirc.

[nique.livejournal.com]

Hah. No, that was the West Wing fic. With the hammer catching on things.

(I counter your 'oy' with Shiny Metal Oy TM!)

[raisintorte.livejournal.com]

okay this broke my brain. Thanks for the warning, now I'll just skip the Jaka posts. The list has always been insane but it's seemed crazier than usual as of late.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*nods* Jaka's a special kind of batshit.

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

I thought he got into it way too much. Like he's seriously considered it. And that scared me. There's a part of me that takes this as proof of his homosexuality; I think most males in their late teens/early twenties would think just about any sexual act with a willing female was worth the aroma (i.e, the sex itself would more than make up for the chore of cleaning the gun afterward).

Loved your reply to him on the list, by the way. His comment about women marrying known rapists might have carried more weight has he not authored more than one "rape fantasy" story (and given Jaka's male, that's really disturbing).

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Good point. Oddly, the lesbians in my brain all started smirking and pointing out that that's sometimes the best part. *coughs* girl!Jack is still in there, and she's very crude, at times.

Thank you. And, yeah. Considering people gave feedback on several stories where there was rape/violence against Sam by Jack, and everyone was ok with it... sigh.

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

I thought that as well. For serious, I think he's gay.

I'm still so disgusted by Telkena's entire oeuvre of rapefic that I can't even think about it without getting angry. It's bad enough that she writes what she writes; it's a travesty that people think it's okay to have Sam gang-raped in front of Jack and then have the two of them engaging in "comfort sex" - which is actually Jack raping Sam as well - immediately afterward.

Those lists are full of sick people. Yes, I know I said we shouldn't make moral judgments based on people's preferred pairing, but I think it's perfectly okay to make moral judgments about people who think it's all right for a man to rape a women he claims to love. I'd like to see some of these list members telling their beaten-bloody sisters or daughters, "No, really, it's not rape. He loves you."

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

I should join just to stab him in the eye with his female-juice-soaked gun nozzle.

It would so be worth the ban.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

You could. It would be damned amusing.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

You, me, Ryuu, Lavida. List. Ban. Attempt.

We should formulate a plan of snark.

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

Oh, you won't get banned. I mean, Jaka hasn't.

A very perverse part of me is starting to plot and plan and otherwise determine just what it would actually take. . . .

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

We should totally team up and go for it. Because if crap like this is allowed... dammit, we should fight back! With snark!

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

Yes!

*can't help wondering what Jaka's next bit of wank will be*

Just as an aside, I've been writing to the mods and complaining about such things as the post referenced in this LJ entry. I think it's completely inappropriate for a list populated mostly by women. I keep hoping that if the mods get enough feedback from people who point out that almost everything Jaka says is objectionable, they'll at least moderate him.

[theta-g.livejournal.com]

Am reminded of the bottom of this page... (http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/archive/#about)

[nakedtoes.livejournal.com]

OMFG, Jaka's had access to an AK47? *FEARS*

[tarzanic.livejournal.com]

Augh, WHY?!

Going into why having sex with a firearm (WTF) is a bad idea speaks of some actual thought about the pros and cons. That's FREAKING SCARY.

I did laugh at the "female juices" part. However, who the hell is gonna smell someone's gun? Seriously. Also, methinks Jaka does not like girls. At all.

Sorry, my brain is just gone. That's just..WTF?!

[cheekygal.livejournal.com]

I can just picture him pointing a gun at a burglar, and the thief saying, "Sorry, dude, I can't take anyone serious whose gun smells like that."

[livilla.livejournal.com]

Why, oh why, are we not allowed to kill people again? Not allowed to kick the shit out of them, either. Hmph.

And if he's really had experience with an AK47, would he type it as "ak fortyseven"? I mean, that's not even how you spell forty seven.

*headdesk*

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing he actually probably has had experience with one. I"m pretty sure there's mandatory training for young men in Slovenia, and Jaka sounds like just the kind of guy who would really get off on that.

[livilla.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part. I only know that there's mandatory military service in Greece, so you're probably right. *shudder* He's such a freak.

[vampirehunter85.livejournal.com]

Thank you sir, for explaining why it is a bad idea to please a woman with a gun. For an encore, perhaps you could tell us why it might be a less than good thing for a man if he was kicked in the 'nads.

I gather, though, that this guy has some stranger problems aside from explaining the obvious and possibly an odd list of priorities (I would have thought the "might go off and kill her" thing would have merited mentioning first, but I'm crazy like that). Dare I ask what is it about him that's so nuts?

[morwen_peredhil]

There's not enough bleach in the universe to disinfect my brain. That guy is foul. Ugh.

[timjr.livejournal.com]

Gah.

Eww.

Too much thought into something that can, in fact, be justified with simply "Yep. Really bad idea."

WTF is this guy's issue?

[surreallis.livejournal.com]

It's like he thinks we have acid in there. Very mysterious stuff. If our female acid juices can destroy an AK47, just think what they'll do to all of mankind! Muahaha! Wait...

Just when I think they can't come up with anything more to surprise me, they all jump off the deep end again.