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gah
*eyes nos* This is so your fault.
And unfinished. Got to sleep.
"Swear to God, it's not mine."
Dr. Elizabeth Weir raised an eyebrow at Major John Sheppard. She suppressed a smile. "No?"
"Really!" The subject of his objections chose that moment to open its mouth and squawl. Loudly.
"I suppose you're going to tell me you and your team found it in a cabbage patch." She was definitely smirking now.
Oooh. She was mocking him. She was SO paying. Later. When his ears weren't ringing. "Look, Doctor--"
"And what have we here?" Dr. Beckett had arrived, full medical team in tow. He took one look at the crying baby and stepped back. "Where the hell did that come from?"
"The usual place," snapped Rodney McKay. He was almost as far from the baby as Beckett was. "Alien woman falls for Sheppard, she bequeaths him a token of her love. In this case, a baby."
"A baby." Weir was still smirking. "Major Sheppard, is this child going to your new responsibility? Should I have your team taken off active duty until you've worked out a feeding and care schedule for it?"
"It's a her." Ford said, his voice amused. "And you're holding her wrong, Major. That's why she's complaining."
"Well, here, YOU take her, then."
Before the younger man could protest, he unloaded the child and stepped back, wrinkling his nose. Gah. Kids. Babies. SO not what he'd signed up for.
"Major, you debrief in one hour. I suggest you get the token of your love settled."
Oh, if he could kill her with a look she'd be dead. So dead.
"Major, I'll take her to the infirmary." Ford was grinning like a maniac. "Oh, and, sir?"
"Yes?"
"Does she have a name?"
"I don't know!"
--
"From all accounts she's a completely humna, healthy, nine or ten month old child." Beckett made a face. "With one exception to the completely human rule."
"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow Elizabeth concentrated on not laughing at the way Sheppard was fidgeting.
"She has a tail."
"It's a very cute little tail," Ford piped up. He was still grinning like an idiot. Teyla occasionally patted him on the head.
"So," said Elizabeth, striving to keep her voice even. "Baby Sheppard has a tail."
A strangled squawking sound came from the Major.
She shot him a glance. "Yes, Major?"
"She isn't mine!"
"She was gifted to you."
"We're NOT CALLING HER BABY SHEPPARD!"
"Then what are we calling her?"
"Lizzie."
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't think so, Major. How about Jane?"
"That's boring." Ford was almost bouncing in his seat. "Can I name her?"
"NO!" The shout came from at least three throats.
"Damn." Looking slightly crestfallen, the young man perked up when Teyla absently patted his head again.
"Major, did the natives of the planet have tails?" Dr. Weir looked almost serious now. Perhaps she was trying to screw him again. Obviously.
"No, Dr. Weir, they didn't."
"Perhaps," Beckett mused, "They fall off as they grow older."
"I don't know." snapped Sheppard, "I--"
"Major?" Weir's eyebrow was up, "Are you telling me you have no first-hand knowledge of the alien woman's physiology?"
"No!." He paused, "We didn't get that far before she gave me a token of her esteem. And McKay..." He paused again and glared at the scientist. "Had a thousand expirements he just *suddenly* had to get back to."
"What can I say, I'm a busy man, Major."
And unfinished. Got to sleep.
"Swear to God, it's not mine."
Dr. Elizabeth Weir raised an eyebrow at Major John Sheppard. She suppressed a smile. "No?"
"Really!" The subject of his objections chose that moment to open its mouth and squawl. Loudly.
"I suppose you're going to tell me you and your team found it in a cabbage patch." She was definitely smirking now.
Oooh. She was mocking him. She was SO paying. Later. When his ears weren't ringing. "Look, Doctor--"
"And what have we here?" Dr. Beckett had arrived, full medical team in tow. He took one look at the crying baby and stepped back. "Where the hell did that come from?"
"The usual place," snapped Rodney McKay. He was almost as far from the baby as Beckett was. "Alien woman falls for Sheppard, she bequeaths him a token of her love. In this case, a baby."
"A baby." Weir was still smirking. "Major Sheppard, is this child going to your new responsibility? Should I have your team taken off active duty until you've worked out a feeding and care schedule for it?"
"It's a her." Ford said, his voice amused. "And you're holding her wrong, Major. That's why she's complaining."
"Well, here, YOU take her, then."
Before the younger man could protest, he unloaded the child and stepped back, wrinkling his nose. Gah. Kids. Babies. SO not what he'd signed up for.
"Major, you debrief in one hour. I suggest you get the token of your love settled."
Oh, if he could kill her with a look she'd be dead. So dead.
"Major, I'll take her to the infirmary." Ford was grinning like a maniac. "Oh, and, sir?"
"Yes?"
"Does she have a name?"
"I don't know!"
--
"From all accounts she's a completely humna, healthy, nine or ten month old child." Beckett made a face. "With one exception to the completely human rule."
"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow Elizabeth concentrated on not laughing at the way Sheppard was fidgeting.
"She has a tail."
"It's a very cute little tail," Ford piped up. He was still grinning like an idiot. Teyla occasionally patted him on the head.
"So," said Elizabeth, striving to keep her voice even. "Baby Sheppard has a tail."
A strangled squawking sound came from the Major.
She shot him a glance. "Yes, Major?"
"She isn't mine!"
"She was gifted to you."
"We're NOT CALLING HER BABY SHEPPARD!"
"Then what are we calling her?"
"Lizzie."
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't think so, Major. How about Jane?"
"That's boring." Ford was almost bouncing in his seat. "Can I name her?"
"NO!" The shout came from at least three throats.
"Damn." Looking slightly crestfallen, the young man perked up when Teyla absently patted his head again.
"Major, did the natives of the planet have tails?" Dr. Weir looked almost serious now. Perhaps she was trying to screw him again. Obviously.
"No, Dr. Weir, they didn't."
"Perhaps," Beckett mused, "They fall off as they grow older."
"I don't know." snapped Sheppard, "I--"
"Major?" Weir's eyebrow was up, "Are you telling me you have no first-hand knowledge of the alien woman's physiology?"
"No!." He paused, "We didn't get that far before she gave me a token of her esteem. And McKay..." He paused again and glared at the scientist. "Had a thousand expirements he just *suddenly* had to get back to."
"What can I say, I'm a busy man, Major."
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I love you SO MUCH. SO MUCH that I will even stop saying "Shweir!" if you want me to. This ficlet = joy.
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*dies*
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