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Farscape. Huh. Broken!Aeryn, season three...
It's not hard to let Crais fuck her (a word she learned from John, and it fits what this is more than any other word she could come up with 'have relations with', 'copulate', neither put into feeling the grittiness of the bulkhead under her fingers and his chest against her back). The hard part is dealing with Rygel, knowing the hynerian knows, seeing the gleam of something that could be avarice or disgust fill his eyes.
Or maybe he's simply disappointed in her, as she is disappointed in herself.
She remembers when she was grieving, heart so full of darkness that she sometimes didn't even think about the amount of liquour she poured down her own throat. She remembers telling Crais he was pathetic because he wouldn't take here there on the filthy floor of that motel.
And maybe she's the one who's pathetic, because now she lets him take her anywhere.
It's usually gritty and dirty, and she wonders if he gets fulfillment out of it.
She just gets feeling.
The dirt and grime on her skin, his sweat coating her back, his semen dripping down her thighs.
Sometimes she stands in the shower for nearly an hour, letting the scalding water pound on her flesh until it's bright red. Other times, the scrubbing makes her feel raw (not that she already isn't).
Rygel, she thinks, would not understand. Stark certainly would not, but he's lost to sanity (if he ever wasn't), and he has no say in her life. He... well, he is lost completely and utterly, and she doesn't want to think about him, ever. Thinking about Talyn, about Crais, about finding Moya, is enough.
Almost.
Because then she has to deal with the other him.
And she doesn't want to come face to face with what she's lost while she's letting Crais use her as a tissue.
Not that this is all Crais's fault.
In some ways, he believes she is the prize he has earned after all he has given up. To the Peacekeepers, first. Family, friends, brother, life. And then to Crichton and Scorpius. Between them, the human and the hybrid ripped his power from its seat and set him to fall. And yet he has Talyn. But that isn't enough.
And so he also has her.
Crichton would not have understood. But Crichton never understood a lot of things.
She's going to have to get used to him not understanding even more. Talyn is searching for his mother, and he's a very determined ship. Soon he'll find her, and then her little honeymoon will be over.
But until then she's going to feel something that isn't desolation.
Even if it contributes.
-finis-
It's not hard to let Crais fuck her (a word she learned from John, and it fits what this is more than any other word she could come up with 'have relations with', 'copulate', neither put into feeling the grittiness of the bulkhead under her fingers and his chest against her back). The hard part is dealing with Rygel, knowing the hynerian knows, seeing the gleam of something that could be avarice or disgust fill his eyes.
Or maybe he's simply disappointed in her, as she is disappointed in herself.
She remembers when she was grieving, heart so full of darkness that she sometimes didn't even think about the amount of liquour she poured down her own throat. She remembers telling Crais he was pathetic because he wouldn't take here there on the filthy floor of that motel.
And maybe she's the one who's pathetic, because now she lets him take her anywhere.
It's usually gritty and dirty, and she wonders if he gets fulfillment out of it.
She just gets feeling.
The dirt and grime on her skin, his sweat coating her back, his semen dripping down her thighs.
Sometimes she stands in the shower for nearly an hour, letting the scalding water pound on her flesh until it's bright red. Other times, the scrubbing makes her feel raw (not that she already isn't).
Rygel, she thinks, would not understand. Stark certainly would not, but he's lost to sanity (if he ever wasn't), and he has no say in her life. He... well, he is lost completely and utterly, and she doesn't want to think about him, ever. Thinking about Talyn, about Crais, about finding Moya, is enough.
Almost.
Because then she has to deal with the other him.
And she doesn't want to come face to face with what she's lost while she's letting Crais use her as a tissue.
Not that this is all Crais's fault.
In some ways, he believes she is the prize he has earned after all he has given up. To the Peacekeepers, first. Family, friends, brother, life. And then to Crichton and Scorpius. Between them, the human and the hybrid ripped his power from its seat and set him to fall. And yet he has Talyn. But that isn't enough.
And so he also has her.
Crichton would not have understood. But Crichton never understood a lot of things.
She's going to have to get used to him not understanding even more. Talyn is searching for his mother, and he's a very determined ship. Soon he'll find her, and then her little honeymoon will be over.
But until then she's going to feel something that isn't desolation.
Even if it contributes.
-finis-