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Black Air vs. Torchwood, a picspam essay thingie
I've been wanting to do this since Torchwood first appeared in newskool Doctor Who. Actually, it was round about the time Yvonne walked onscreen and I snickered and said, "HI, SCICLUNA." As, well, Torchwood was very very very familiar.
This post shall contain spoilers for Army of Ghosts/Doomsday, and possibly bits of Torchwood itself. It is also spoilery for most of Ellis's run on Excalibur. And also most certainly biased.
In the beginning, you have a building...
The Blackwall vs. Torchwood Towers
Torchwood Towers is functional and blends in. The Blackwall, otoh, stands out like a sore thumb and would call attention to itself if, say, the public cared. Interestingly, both are located in the Canary Warf area.
The win here is determined by whether you like your black ops forces in buildings which reflect their nature, or whether bright white and pristine labs make you happier... Me, I prefer the dingier, slightly maniacal look to the Blackwall. Possibly because I still have a fondness for the abbotoir of the Event Horizon
{Score: Black Air: 1; Torchwood: 0}
And, what towering edifice to special ops, alien tech, protecting what's yours and skullduggery would be complete without a blonde leader who kicks ass, walks on high heels over your spine and then sits down to tea with the Queen?
Scicluna vs. Yvonne
Yvonne can actually do the latter--that is, she'll sit down and drink tea with the Queen. She's efficient, bossy, domineering and rather, ah, hostessy. Scicluna, otoh, prefers to manipulate you into finding out unpleasant truths about your father. The kind that make you punch windshields.
In the end, though, Yvonne gets captured, turned into a Cyberman and dies. Scicluna gets arrested, thrown in jail, frees herself through her government contacts, and is still alive today. Probably plotting mayhem against Pete Wisdom and anyone he holds dear.
{Score: Black Air: 2; Torchwood: 0}
Your leading man...
Pete Wisdom vs. Jack Harkness
Pete Wisdom: He smokes, he swears, he has sex withnearly underage girls and drinks his liver to death. He also shoots fire from his fingertips, makes no apologies for himself, and if something happens to people he cares about, he fixes it.
Jack Harkness: He's immortal, angsty, wears a rather fashionable coat and likes kissing both boys and girls. He has fun gadgets, is from the future (or the past), and has a History. He's not so sure about his humanity anymore, and someone stole several years of his life.
And while I'd love to side with the Owner of the Coat, you have to deal with his effectiveness. Which, he just really isn't (so far). Pete... well, Pete's stopped giants and made a treaty with the fairies to save England. And saved the world a few times. And gives oral sex on stake-outs.
{Score: Black Air: 3; Torchwood: 0}
The slightly annoying, obnoxious guy...
Scratch vs. Owen (this is not a fair fight, sadly)
Owen wins in the annoying department. Scratch wins, because he'd simply kill Owen instantly.
{Score: Black Air: 4; Torchwood: 1}
I could go on with these comparisons, but Torchwood actually has more people to choose from, whereas, Black Air does not. I could cheat, and pull Excalibur members to make up the odds, but that would tip the advantage even further onto Black Air's side (Kitty Pryde vs. Tosh, for instance; Rahne vs. Gwen). Except that Suzie would pwn Threadgold as he's really just Scicluna's little bitch anyway.
(Yes, this means Torchwood gets a point for more characters)
{Score: Black Air: 4; Torchwood: 2}
So, let's deal with their histories, what they've done, etc.
Torchwood were created by the Queen, have fetched up a load of alien tech, caused the cybermen and daleks to be free to take over London and... blew up. There are other branches, but as stated before, they don't appear to be very effective.
Black Air have been around a shorter time, had liaisions to both branches of the Hellfire Club, half a dozen other black ops types, and took over from WHO. They took over by taking one of WHO's pet projects--the Warpies--euthanising them and dissecting over 140 mutated children. Following that, they captured aliens which then killed people, and loosed a demon on London. And then they got their asses kicked by Excalibur. (which, when organized? You do NOT want to fuck with Excalibur. Please see Meggan making the Earth swallow an ENTIRE Black Air station.)
If we're going for sheer evil, Black Air win hands down. If we're going for effectiveness, again, Black Air.
If we're going for sheer stupidity, Torchwood gets a point.
{Score: Black Air: 5; Torchwood: 3}
So, what have we learned? Torchwood wants to be Black Air. Torchwood is pretty much ripped off from Black Air. And Torchwood, is not particularly as well-written.
But then, not everyone can be Warren Ellis.
And, finally, proof that LJ likes crotches...
This post shall contain spoilers for Army of Ghosts/Doomsday, and possibly bits of Torchwood itself. It is also spoilery for most of Ellis's run on Excalibur. And also most certainly biased.
In the beginning, you have a building...
The Blackwall vs. Torchwood Towers
Torchwood Towers is functional and blends in. The Blackwall, otoh, stands out like a sore thumb and would call attention to itself if, say, the public cared. Interestingly, both are located in the Canary Warf area.
The win here is determined by whether you like your black ops forces in buildings which reflect their nature, or whether bright white and pristine labs make you happier... Me, I prefer the dingier, slightly maniacal look to the Blackwall. Possibly because I still have a fondness for the abbotoir of the Event Horizon
{Score: Black Air: 1; Torchwood: 0}
And, what towering edifice to special ops, alien tech, protecting what's yours and skullduggery would be complete without a blonde leader who kicks ass, walks on high heels over your spine and then sits down to tea with the Queen?
Scicluna vs. Yvonne
Yvonne can actually do the latter--that is, she'll sit down and drink tea with the Queen. She's efficient, bossy, domineering and rather, ah, hostessy. Scicluna, otoh, prefers to manipulate you into finding out unpleasant truths about your father. The kind that make you punch windshields.
In the end, though, Yvonne gets captured, turned into a Cyberman and dies. Scicluna gets arrested, thrown in jail, frees herself through her government contacts, and is still alive today. Probably plotting mayhem against Pete Wisdom and anyone he holds dear.
{Score: Black Air: 2; Torchwood: 0}
Your leading man...
Pete Wisdom vs. Jack Harkness
Pete Wisdom: He smokes, he swears, he has sex with
Jack Harkness: He's immortal, angsty, wears a rather fashionable coat and likes kissing both boys and girls. He has fun gadgets, is from the future (or the past), and has a History. He's not so sure about his humanity anymore, and someone stole several years of his life.
And while I'd love to side with the Owner of the Coat, you have to deal with his effectiveness. Which, he just really isn't (so far). Pete... well, Pete's stopped giants and made a treaty with the fairies to save England. And saved the world a few times. And gives oral sex on stake-outs.
{Score: Black Air: 3; Torchwood: 0}
The slightly annoying, obnoxious guy...
Scratch vs. Owen (this is not a fair fight, sadly)
Owen wins in the annoying department. Scratch wins, because he'd simply kill Owen instantly.
{Score: Black Air: 4; Torchwood: 1}
I could go on with these comparisons, but Torchwood actually has more people to choose from, whereas, Black Air does not. I could cheat, and pull Excalibur members to make up the odds, but that would tip the advantage even further onto Black Air's side (Kitty Pryde vs. Tosh, for instance; Rahne vs. Gwen). Except that Suzie would pwn Threadgold as he's really just Scicluna's little bitch anyway.
(Yes, this means Torchwood gets a point for more characters)
{Score: Black Air: 4; Torchwood: 2}
So, let's deal with their histories, what they've done, etc.
Torchwood were created by the Queen, have fetched up a load of alien tech, caused the cybermen and daleks to be free to take over London and... blew up. There are other branches, but as stated before, they don't appear to be very effective.
Black Air have been around a shorter time, had liaisions to both branches of the Hellfire Club, half a dozen other black ops types, and took over from WHO. They took over by taking one of WHO's pet projects--the Warpies--euthanising them and dissecting over 140 mutated children. Following that, they captured aliens which then killed people, and loosed a demon on London. And then they got their asses kicked by Excalibur. (which, when organized? You do NOT want to fuck with Excalibur. Please see Meggan making the Earth swallow an ENTIRE Black Air station.)
If we're going for sheer evil, Black Air win hands down. If we're going for effectiveness, again, Black Air.
If we're going for sheer stupidity, Torchwood gets a point.
{Score: Black Air: 5; Torchwood: 3}
So, what have we learned? Torchwood wants to be Black Air. Torchwood is pretty much ripped off from Black Air. And Torchwood, is not particularly as well-written.
But then, not everyone can be Warren Ellis.
And, finally, proof that LJ likes crotches...