fic: newbsg, Dualla/Lee, When I close my eyes

[lyssie]

Disclaimer:not mine. rating: er. 13.
spoilers: LYDB2.
Pairing: Anastasia Dualla/Lee Adama
Notes: ...no, I don't know where this came from, either.
Length: 500.

When I close my eyes
by ALC Punk!

Anastasia doesn't often ask herself the motives behind her relationship with Lee Adama. It started as nothing more than attraction. Sparks flying, and stupid cliches that her brother would have mocked her for. But then it became something different. He wasn't leaving her, he was leaving Galactica.

True to his word, he still saw her. Still sees her, even. Though she wonders what he sees in her. Is it that she is simply so different from Starbuck, from the other women he's dated, that she fits what he is now?

Or have neither of them changed, and this really is nothing more than physical attraction.

He's on one knee, the perfect knight in armor. Like and unlike Billy in his proposing. More sure of himself, but Billy had been... Billy had been more real.

It hurts, thinking that. Like it hurts not knowing whether this is what he truly wants.

"Well?"

She's been too quiet, and she's not supposed to be. She's supposed to be smiling and laughing and shrieking and saying yes. And for one dreadful moment, she thinks she will. But she needs more. "I.. Lee." She licks her lips. "I need to know something, before I answer."

His eyes darken, as if he's expecting her rejection. Not counting on it, but Lee Adama expects the women in his life to give up after a certain time.

And she can't say yes just to make him feel wanted. She needs more than to be his mother, or the substitute for something else. "Lee, I need to know. Do you... Do you love me?"

It's not what he was expecting her to say, and he looks a little surprised. His eyes are clear when he meets her gaze. "To be honest, I... I'm not sure I know exactly what love is, Anastasia. It's... I think I do."

Honesty and truth are colder than a lie would have been, but she's grateful for them. "Thank you."

Awkwardly, he pulls his hands free and stands. "I'll, ah, go now. If you don't want--"

"Lee." She catches his arm, meets his gaze again. If he can be honest, so can she. "I don't know if I love you, either. But I think I'd like to be married to you."

"You--you would?"

"Yes."

A grin breaks out on his lips, and he catches her by the waist, swinging her up and whooping. "You would!"

She grabs his shoulders, laughing at his exuberance. "Yes, I would. And..." She leans close enough to kiss him gently. "I think I do love you, sometimes."

"I think I know what you mean," he whispers before tugging her closer and turning his face into her neck.

Yeah. And maybe he does. And maybe she's going after something that's fleeting. But she thinks she can build on this, stake out a life all her own without someone else having to give it to her. It's why, ultimately, she couldn't have Billy. He wanted to give her the world. Lee Adama just wants to give her himself.

-f-

Comments

[aj.livejournal.com]

*sobs quietly*

I like Dee. I still like Dee. That... makes me slightly odd in that I GET why she didn't say yes to Billy. And man. BILLY.

I like your Lee too though. OH SIGH.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*

I know, it's hard. I was trying to do the, "Oh they love each other" thing, but... It doesn't work, love takes time. I think that's also what made her freak a little was that Billy was so very insistant that he wanted to give her the world and he loved her and... sigh.

*furtive* My Lee has been taking lessons from Scott in Dorktasticness.

[aj.livejournal.com]

I know. And I buy Dee being freaked by Billy. Billy is just... such a great guy who would seriously... well. Jump in front of a bullet to save her. That's a hard type of love to live up to. Or devotion, as the case may be. I get that this flipped her out. My only real crankitude with her was not breaking up with Wilhelm before going out with Lee. That was shitty, but not HORRIBLY shitty. Just generally shitty.

*pats Lee* There are worse men to take dortasticness lessons from, m'boy.

[world-of-blade.livejournal.com]

Wonderful story! I personally like Lee/Dee **ducks tomatoes**, but this was a truly well written fic. :)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Dude, I rather adore them and find them hot, but they did a lousy job making the transition from Lee-who-sleeps-with-hookers-and-lusts-for-Kara to Lee-who-loves-Dee.

Although, omg, the bit in the end of LYDB2 is still cute and domestic, and the ring always makes me glee madly.

[world-of-blade.livejournal.com]

LOL Yes, the ring does my be "squee" a bit too. I just feel crappy that we will not get to see how it came to be...unless they do backstories in Oct.

[williwawz.livejournal.com]

I've never been a fan of Lee/Dee, but if they had put the scene you just wrote in, I think I would believe the pairing a lot more.
Nice vignette.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Thank you. =)

[futurobrillante.livejournal.com]

I have always somewhat resented the Lee/Dee pairing... but I totally don't resent this. I like this. Really I do.

Which must mean that you are an extraordinary writer.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

My problem with it was always that it wasn't paced very well (both seasons suffer pacing issues, but season two's are more noticeable). Also, I'm not a huge fan of Teh Tru Love Forever. *coughs* But if I stick it in a more adult, growing together concept, it works.

Thank you =)

[futurobrillante.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think the problem with season two especially -- in LOTS of aspects, this one more notably -- is that there were so many small subplots to try to work in, and so many things to explicate fully, and so many subtle events that had to tie together in the end, or will eventually have to tie together... And there were only twenty one-hour slots in which to do it all. So of course some small details had to get left out, such as how Lee and Dee went from never interacting to being a very cemented couple. I think if there had been even a thirty-second scene similar to this one... it would have put a lot of people's minds [including mine] more at ease. But was there? No.

I just hope that season 3 spends time going back and telling backstories. Especially that missing year in which Dee appears to have become Pegasus XO [and married/got engaged to Lee], Starbuck and Apollo appear to have had a major falling-out of some sort, what were/are the dynamics of Kara and Sam's relationship [they're cute], how did the Chief and Cally turn from him beating the hell out of her in LYBD1 to a nice married and pregnant couple in LYBD2, what has been happening with Sharon's child, what kind of horrible decisions Baltar's been making... and um, so on and so forth.

I vote that they lengthen every episode to two hours so that the necessary explicating can be done.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Heh. We could be so lucky. Sigh.

[zahdahe.livejournal.com]

Episodes 2 hours longer, some hope. Lovely thought though.
Liked the fic, came over very real. Flawed Dee - Very flawed Lee and lovely missing BIlly. Miss Billy, In my opinion he is in a way what brought them together and has contributed to them 'kinda' loving each other. They don't seem to have that 'supposed ease' with each other or are very certain about the others' reaction.