...Drabble! SG-1!

[lyssie]

Disclaimer: They are not mine, no money is being made from this endeavor of fanfiction (which is just a labor of love anyway, so why would you sue us when we bring you viewers/readers/buyers/idiots to buy stupid commercial products). Please do not sue, for you would only get pocket lint and a recipe for Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. Thank you.
WARNING (thefted from jacksrubberduck) This fic may contain one or more or in fact none of the following; song lyrics, parody, character death, sex, violence, bad characterization, appalling grammar, bad spelling, randomly inserted capital letters, contrived plot, cliches, babies, animals, telepathy, a Mary-Sue, religion, cultural stereotypes, moral ambiguity, bad language, heterosexuality, homosexuality, OT3, OT4, OT5, masturbation, humour, drama, angst, sex with aliens, Jonas Quinn, Pete Shanahan, references to Season 6 of SG-1, no romantic relationships or sex, Sam Carter, hurt/comfort, emotions, S&M, period sex, sex without condoms, sex with condoms, oral sex, anal sex, bestiality, bi-sexuality, rape, gang rape, Daniel Jackson, drugs, rock'n'roll, torture, detectives, clowns, sex toys, monkeys, transvestites, government agents, stupid adults, parents portrayed as idiots, whipped cream, voyeuristic monkeys, children portrayed as adults, and clones. If any of these may offend you, don't read this fic.
Notes: I blame this completely on lavidaessueno (although I can't tell you how much I've wanted to do this, and for SO LONG....).
Summary: There is sex. And monkeys.
Rating: 18+, Sex.
Pairing: Lieutenant Colonel Sam Carter/General Jack O'Neill
Characters: Lieutenant Colonel Sam Carter, General Jack O'Neill
Set: Season Eight
Spoilers: Season Eight, Moebius, Threads, previous seasons.
Alphabet courtesy of the Phoenicians.

Title: Monkey Sex Drabble #666: Bestiality
by ALC Punk!

"Monkeys."

Jack O'Neill didn't stop thrusting.

"I said..." Sam gasped and arched beneath him, "there are..." Her voice stopped, breath stolen as his thumb pressed just *there* while his teeth nipped at her neck.

"Hrm?" He sounded smug as he pulled out, then slid back in, making her whimper.

Sam couldn't answer him, mindless with the pleasure coursing through her as his careful strokes, tugs and nips brought them both to a shattering orgasm.

"Monkeys." She finally said, stretching beneath him and pointing up to the left.

Jack turned his head and blinked. "Voyeurs."

The monkeys simply chittered in amusement.

Comments

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

Alphabet courtesy of the Phoenicians.

*dies laughing*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

You can blame Timey for that. *eg*

[lavidaessueno.livejournal.com]

It's a good one.

I amused myself for a while by thinking of all the possibilities as to where they could be. But then I came up with Furry Convention and had to stop and bleach my brain.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

I was simply going for, outside in some random jungle... And, of course, Sam is now complaining about dirt in uncomfortable places. omg, my fictives are so damned conventional and pathetic.

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

This drabble has made me wet.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

...*eyes*

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

....

*grinks*

[nique.livejournal.com]

Dirty!

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

MONKEYS!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

They are like numbers! Er...

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

...

They are perverted, yo. Shame on them!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Monkeys multiply and divide and add and subtract! It's, it's like algebraic porn! But with tentacles.

(yes, I've got no idea what I'm talking about)

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

Tentacle pr0n?

...

OMG!

*scrubs brain*

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

You did not warn me for the word "chittered". YOU TRICKED MEEEE!!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Damn! I should... put that in the warning! omg!

*snorts*

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I WASTED VALUABLE LIFE!!!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

And time! omg! Ten seconds, when you could have been ranting about teh Evals of Idiocy in High Office!

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I CUD OF BEEN! OR I CUD OF BEEN WRITNIG AN ON TOPIC POST ABOUT MY DREAMS< BITCH!!!`

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

In which you dreamed that Amanda Tapping was having your baby by proxy? And it was RDAMacgyver's sperms?

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

AND IT WUD HAVE BEEN A GRATE POST!!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

yes! I know!

You should... write it down and omg go post it to the list! Also, make sure that you talk about how Jack watched the JAG finale and that made him chase after Sam!

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

Don't forget about Sam menstruating on Jack! That makes for extra HAWT!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

...ew.

Heh...

[nique.livejournal.com]

I read that as 'and that made him chaste...'

Re: Heh...

[livilla.livejournal.com]

Which would be a more realistic reaction. :P

[jemster.livejournal.com]

*Love* the warning. ;-)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Most of it is stolen from jacksrubberduck with additions by my roommate... ;)

[musicforcylons.livejournal.com]

Muahahahaha! I am immensely pleased the fict is way shorter than the notes.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

I kept adding to it, saying, "This has to be at LEAST twice as long!" luckily, the warning was already 100 words... ;)

*smug*

[livilla.livejournal.com]

Hehehehehe, I think the warning was my favourite part. *snerk*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*eg* Good, good....

[livilla.livejournal.com]

There must be something else we can add, though? Like... no punctuation abuse?

[nakedtoes.livejournal.com]

*cuddles as is tired and incoherent. And also late*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*snuggles, and gives chocolate*

[katcorvi.livejournal.com]

I haven't even read the story yet, but if there are clowns, and the warning says that there might be.... aaack!! Run away!! All the rest? Not a problem, especially any OT of your choosing, but clowns?? Ick.

OK, off to read the story now. I've got my clown axe.

[katcorvi.livejournal.com]

Damn, I didn't need to hack clowns into bits and pieces, and leave their big, floppy clown clothes to cover up the parts.

Have spent more time reading warnings and ready to axe clowns than reading cute, sweet, fluffy, fic in the jungle.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I'll, ah, put clowns in next time?

;)

[katcorvi.livejournal.com]

Go right ahead, because now that the clown axe is out of the closet, I'll just leave it out. In fact, I'll go sharpen it, although clown death by dull axe is more painful.

Damn clowns. Just as bad as prinking fruitbats and monkey pron with tentacles.

Why yes, I have a thing about clowns. Quit lookin' at me like that.

[tarzanic.livejournal.com]

You didn't warn me about monkey voyeurism! *sniffle*

Awesome stuff.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry! but,but, it's called 'monkey sex'! You would assume it has monkeys in it!

*smirk*

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

Monkeys SEXING. Not monkeys being perverted voyeuristic freaks. *g*

*also loves three times as long header*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

ok, ok. *goes to edit*

*eg*

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

*laffs*

[sjshipper.livejournal.com]

At least the monkeys were content to sit back and watch. Cats find it necessary to jump on the bed and be all curious and stuff. Always kick cats out first.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Good to know...

[jacksrubberduck.livejournal.com]

OMG

Am now going to add the extra items to the original warning!
How could we forget clowns?!
And monkeys?!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*flails* I don't know! (but, one day, the warning will be 500 words long....)

[jacksrubberduck.livejournal.com]

(but, one day, the warning will be 500 words long....)

I don't care how long it gets so long as we get everything and can't be moaned at for traumatizing someone cos we didn't warn them there would be monkeys.