(no subject)

[lyssie]

So, as if the day hasn't already been sucktastic enough (it's cold, it's dreary, I have no fluff, I actually have almost nothing to do, I was feeling incompetent with my writing), I got flamed on ff'net. Now, normally, I simply ignore flames. But this one had to come at a time when I was feeling particularly pathetic...

First, let's examine the story this was attached to. It's 'Swimming', the Red Cap femslash I wrote a while back. Very few people even know what Red Cap is, let alone would read fic for it. In fact, if you read fic, you're either into Jo/Burns or Jo/Roper. Jo/Neve is so niche it doesn't even exist except in my head. Most people don't even LIKE Neve, much less want to see her boinking Jo. Ironically, this is a story I've been told could pass as original fiction. Good, original fiction.

I've just recently put it up because there's now a Red Cap category on ff'net. It's at the top of my list.

Supposition: I've pissed someone off, and they wanted to smack me down, therefore, they're bombing the first fic on my list.

From: Give up( notalentwhatsoever@yousuckass.com )

Ah, the name says it all, really. Although, I'm trying to decide how they've determined how I suck.

Yep I have come to a descion.
Good for you. Decisions can work wonders on the soul.

You are probably the saddest writer on this site.
Well, right now I am, yeah. It's been a depressing morning.

Your stories (all three of witch I have read) suck
Ah. A 3-story sample proves they all suck. *checks* At the top are 'Swimming', 'expiation', and 'Always Waiting For That Red Letter Day'. Ok. I'll give you points for saying they're sucky. Because they are all three kinda depressing. (I'm amused that they've been witched, btw. Does this mean I'm now cursed to write only angst forever and ever amen?). It's also three fandoms: Red Cap, NCIS, and Farscape. So, apparently, this person is wide-read.

you also don't seem to have a story with more than 15 reviews
I don't? Oh, horrors, that must prove I suck, especially since, as we all know, only discerning people leave reviews on fanfiction.net. And the level of quality? pshaw. What level? After all, someone's epic which has never seen a spell-check, beta, or logical common sense can garner more reviews than the best spelled, beta'd, logical fic ever.

now that is really sad because you do have over 50 stories.
Yes. Yes I do. In fact, I have 207 posted here. That doesn't count upwards of 20 completely plotless porn fics.

You should really quit writing.
From your (single) hand, to God's ears, I'm sure.

While you're wanking away, be sure to read (and loathe) 'Unfaithfully Pursuing the Policy of Truth', ''Getting a New Philosophy', and 'No Angry Drama'.

Cheers.

Comments

[splash-the-cat.livejournal.com]

*hugs Lyssie* What an asshat.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*scritches*

Indeed.

And I still want fluff.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Yes. I'm not saying it's the Greatest Stuff Ever, but I have written Buffy stuff.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Yup. Ana Lyssie Cotton.

erm, I (heart) Myself Today
How Crazy I Am
I Don't Know Who I've Turned Into Now
We've Crashed Everything In This Moment
Fading Into Shape
Fluffy Pink Dinosaurs

er... a few others, I think. 's been a while.

[woodface]

Dude, ignore the nitwit. *thwaps them*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Plan to. I just find it amusing. Today, of all days.... *searches Jara for fic*

[woodface]

Dude, I don't think I keep fic *there*.

*sighs* I wish I had something to offer. =o(

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

You could write girl!Jack...

[woodface]

I have half a fic of girl!Jack and she's stuck between the couch and the street. *sighs*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Awww.

Sam! Get off your butt and go after her!

[woodface]

Damn! I meant, Sam is stuck between those places. Basically, I want them to kiss. But Sam stood up from the couch and is refusing to do anything to get herself back close to jack again. Jack of course, doesn't want to push Sam. So now I need to restart and try to keep Sam on the couch. *facepalms*

[driftingatdusk.livejournal.com]

What would fanfiction.net be without the flaming trolls?

Ignore 'em. The email address speaks wonders about them.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

True. The sad thing is that the stuff that needs the flaming never gets it. *sigh*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?

I feel so sorry for that asshat that they have nothing better to do with their lives than write that to you. And truthfully, you should feel like you're taking one for the team here, because you are such a strong writer, and a strong person (bad mornings notwithstanding), and have such an angry and flame-retardant fan base that you WILL keep writing, rather than some poor sixteen year old who would get this and curl up in a hole and never touch a computer again.

And more than 15 reviews!? When did THAT become the benchmark for good fic? Eeek! My God, what a jerkoff. *kicks it*

I think you're fabulous, darling :) Feed me more joy!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*feels loved*

I should... do a research paper on the reasons people leave ff'net reviews, and the demographics. *considers*

Hrm.

*searches LR for fic*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

*is searched*

I think the muse is still asleep or something. I was all "will write fluff for Lyss!" and came up totally empty :( Sorry!! Later!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*sad*

Oh well.

[katcorvi.livejournal.com]

See, this is what I don't understand about some of the idiots online. Why do they feel that they must be rude to people they've never met who provide them with a wonderful escape for free? OK, so they don't like your story or pairing? GO TO THE NEXT AUTHOR! Why do they feel compelled to read and then send mean e-mails? Yeah, yeah, the anonymity protects them, but that's no excuse to be mean. If you don't like someone's work, move on!!! /ends rant

Hugs to you.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I mean, I've been tempted, on occasion, but in the end? It's not worth the effort (well, generally, except the time someone gave me feedback that consisted of "come read my great fic!").

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Supposition: I've pissed someone off,

My money's on it being even more pathetic than that. I'm betting it was random. :-P

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

True. If it weren't, they would've been more creative... Hrm. *searches Val for fic*

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

*searches Val for fic*

:: turns out pocketses ::

Lessee... Canadian penny... lint... chapstick...

You need the fic equivalent of MacGyver to make anything of that, I'm afeard. :-(

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*steals alla that*

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Hope you can make something out of 'em. ;-D

[tafkarfanfic.livejournal.com]

I'd give that jerk the big "WHATever." You're far better than they are.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

heh. Thanks.

And, well, it was fun to mock them. ;)

*searches for work-safe fic*

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

*smushes* I hate ff.net =x Seriously. People only get reviews if they have chapters. Post one-shots that isn't a teenage angst-fest of crap, and you're unlikely to get anything. And then, I only "value" reviews that are written by people who deem it proper to use complete sentences, proper spelling, and legitimate punctuation. *snugs*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

The scary thing is the length of most "chapters" is a paragraph.

rarrr. I have no fluff.

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

... i tried to write u fluff, but it r not really fluffy. u still want?

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

yes!

[qwirky.livejournal.com]

'k. I posted to my lj: http://www.livejournal.com/users/qwirky/324037.html

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was an amazing display of moronic inanity. Honestly, I feel more pity than insult at this particular flame. Well, okay what I really feel is a lot of mocking laughter, but that'd just be mean.

Still, babe, you totally don't suck. I enjoy every story I've read by you and I'm picky.

Just laugh at the troll and then waste no more time on it for they are a sad waste of my precious oxygen and get back to writing Sam smooching the heck outta Jack. And I'll try to cook up some fluff for you. And I shall leave you with my fluffy BobnDot icon in the meantime.

(smooches)Hope your day gets better!

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

Heh. Friended you when I got tired of having to wait to see your stuff linked from someone else (usually Liz). I like your stuff.

So ignore the asshat. After all, craptacular fics full of misspellings and grammar errors that would make the baby Jebus cry get tons of great reviews over there.

Personally, I only review good fics that have minor errors that disrupted the flow of the story. Too many others can't handle concrit. (Which what you got, absolutely wasn't.)

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thank you. And, er, if the day had just *started* better. (I've been dying for a flame for months, although this one was sadly pathetic).

*scritches and runs off to go home from work*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

awww. *cuddles*

(mybrainisslooooowlymelting)

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

I left you cruddy five-minute fluff on your last entry, yo. And again, totally not with the sucking. You are one of my favorite people online who nurtures my obsessive love of hobbits.

You know...

[nique.livejournal.com]

Not having a fic that has more than 15 reviews on FF.N? IS A SIGN OF FUCKING QUALITY.

Seriously, I think quality of fic is inversely proportional to the number of reviews. I've yet to fully test this theory, but I can tell you that the dumbest fic I have on FF.N has the most reviews.

...actually, it's now 'Compatibility' which has 25, and is, essentially, Matrix and AndrAIa being stupid-cute at each other, but used to be 'Taking Chances,' that incredibly stupid Gambit/Rogue post 350 thing before the really old reviews got wiped out.

Re: You know...

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

dude. You are so a bad influence on me. I am now supremely tempted to do a paragraph chapter fic that has little grammar, and see if it sells...

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

you've already heard me on email rant and wail on this, but here's my little response.

Yep I have come to a descion. You are probably the saddest writer on this site.
As we cannot take you seriously on here (because if this was fact, then this person has not read anything on ffn.net), we shall then laugh and stomp on your flame as it's completely unsatisfactory. I mean, if you're going to be ballsy and have such an outright statement like that, go all the way, you LAZY FLAMER. Better to say "You're probably the saddest writer in the whole world, never mind this site, and I've read every fic in the world so I would know as I am god of all fic reviewage cuz I'm that cool and you are not me and therein not cool and you're in my territory so as to ensure that you are not cool, i shall flame you. capishe?"

See...that kind of flame? Mad props. The original flamer you got? Lazy.

Your stories (all three of witch I have read) suck
Audience studies and good statistics show that you can properly assess something if you test 28 samples of it, or something. Three? Nah. Although, to Lyssie's emmense credit, of the bazillion fics she's posted in the past few months, I've actively disliked three. OH MY GOD. So, therein, that means...um...shut the fuck up loser flamer!

you also don't seem to have a story with more than 15 reviews
This is perhaps my favorite statement of all for oh so many reasons. Number one - I don't review your fic on ffn.net as I've grown to hate the place and I'm leaving behind my MaraTrinityScully days, word. Number two - reviews on ffn.net consist of "omfg, that was awesome. write more plzthxbai" (re: I've had maybe 5 quality reviews out of the, maybe, 60 reviews that I have for a total of 25 fics, I think.) Number three - ...it's ffn.net for crying out loud. Number four - ....STFU.

now that is really sad because you do have over 50 stories.
...Awww. My violin is broken and I can't play it. Notice that Lyssie's journal gets spammed when she writes fic, btw. That's where the real quality reviewing occurs. (of course it's usually "omg, can i have your babies, i love you forever, me!" but sometimes it gets nice and quality crit, etc. grrr)

You should really quit writing.
I strike this person dead for even suggesting such a thing. Although, I imagine that if Lyssie didn't write, she's disintegrate into dust. So...uh... Don't take this person seriously. EVER. If you stop writing, I'll beat you. With rusty spoons. And Pete. PETE! I'll pick him up and throw him at you.

The end!

:curtseys:

Now ignore the fucker and get some tea and chocolate. <3333 4EVAH.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Why, thank ya, darlin'.

ACK! Pete!

*hides*

And I think I'd go insane if I couldn't write...

[capecodgirl.livejournal.com]

ff.net used to be fairly tolerable, now it's almost completely out of control, among the fangirl sh*t, self-appointed critics, and morals police.

I LOVE your stuff. I will ALWAYS read your stories, even though I don't leave comments.

Julie

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that it was ever, uh, tolerable. But it has gotten bigger. *g*

Thank you. :) (and, really, in the end, I just like knowing they're being read)

[elly427.livejournal.com]

Honey, I've got no words except if I could, I'd tear the fucker's eyeballs out with a rusty spoon.

*hugs*

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Thank you. :)

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

*snorts at moron* Oh, please. I've seen better flames on Jefferys' ass.

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

well, yeah. *is sad* I want a full flame.

[http://users.livejournal.com/cecilialisbon_/]

*knocks the flamer round the head and then leaves*

What an Idiot. With a capital I.

[livilla.livejournal.com]

What a fucktard. And hey, at least you know how to use commas!