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SFF: Charlie's Angels 2019
So, I had originally intended to see the CA movie in theaters, but I don't go out a lot, so I ended up missing it. Having enjoyed the trailers, I went ahead and just bought it, since, well, I like female-led action movies, and we need more.
Much like buying Kelly Sue DeConnick's Captain Marvel - it might not click with me, but I want to support things so we get more of them.
Usually, I try not to have high expectations. But I really enjoyed the Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz movies + Elizabeth Banks seemed to think it was really really good. Thus, I went in with somewhat high expectations.
Which fell pretty flat.
It's... It's not a bad movie, but it's not as good as it could have been. And I didn't want to immediately re-watch it (unlike Ocean's 8, the original CA movies, or the first three Pirates movies).
Things I liked:
- the three mains! I liked their interactions and would have loved a movie where they were actually the focus.
- the party scenes - particularly the end reveal that the Bad Guys were surrounded by Angels.
- the one Angel and her nerdy chemicals obsession. That was cute.
- the heist in the company! I liked the bowl cut and the trading off and the back and forthing of that.
Why it fell flat:
1. Too much Bosley, particularly in that she was the main character. She's the one in charge, the one with the plan, the one driving everything. When she's not there, the entire team is fucking useless and flails about incapable of doing anything. I didn't want a movie about mentor!Bosley leading her new chicks around by the nose.
2. Too many men. There are so so many men with bit and secondary and tertiary roles, that I literally felt like I was watching one of those "One woman and all the men who adore her" movies. Too many of them have plot significance, too many of them keep showing back up like that skeevy dude from the beginning of the movie, too many of them have actual dialog and take time away from the three Angels who are supposed to be the focus, what the actual fuck.
3. Speaking of skeevy dude. Why. Why bring him back as a 'good guy'? You know one of my favorite moments from the first CA movie? When the skeevy billionaire gets blown up. That's what should happen to skeevy dudes. Instead, this skeevy dude gets rewarded and continues to be gross and skeevy towards women. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
4. WOMEN LIKE PRETTY THINGS AND CLOTHES. Did you know? I mean, I thought you might, but women are shiny and glamorous and like pretty things and clothes. And shouldn't touch weapons. Nope. That's for the men to do. And a skeevy guru will usher them through the acquisition of their new clothing and re-set their spines and shit.
5. Newbie Angel murders someone, gets two seconds to angst, and the entire thing is never considered again. Ever.
6. WHAT THE FUCK, why is the skeevy guru getting more lines? Why has he shown back up? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MEN WITH SIGNIFICANT ROLES.
7. Oh, look, a dude for all of our heroines. Gosh. (and I even liked the silly nerdy guy, because giving a woman explosives is hot, ok)
8. The Angels are left on their own and proceed to be incompetent morons who are useless. I thought this movie was supposed to be about them, but apparently not.
9. A training montage, finally. Over the credits. What fucking bullshit is this?
10. I'm sure there are more. I just know that I spent so much of the movie waiting for it to be this amazing, girl-power-driven flick and it continued to fail at it.
What could have fixed it:
1. Reduce Bosley's importance to the plot, and make the Angels use their own brains.
2. Make one of the bad guys a woman.
3. Change 3/4s of the male characters to women, including: skeevy guy from the beginning and skeevy guru dude.
That's it. That's all it would have taken. Instead, we have yet another "Girl Power!" action movie that is mostly about dudes and how women have no power to do anything except stand around looking hot for the men to skeeve on.
Much like buying Kelly Sue DeConnick's Captain Marvel - it might not click with me, but I want to support things so we get more of them.
Usually, I try not to have high expectations. But I really enjoyed the Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz movies + Elizabeth Banks seemed to think it was really really good. Thus, I went in with somewhat high expectations.
Which fell pretty flat.
It's... It's not a bad movie, but it's not as good as it could have been. And I didn't want to immediately re-watch it (unlike Ocean's 8, the original CA movies, or the first three Pirates movies).
Things I liked:
- the three mains! I liked their interactions and would have loved a movie where they were actually the focus.
- the party scenes - particularly the end reveal that the Bad Guys were surrounded by Angels.
- the one Angel and her nerdy chemicals obsession. That was cute.
- the heist in the company! I liked the bowl cut and the trading off and the back and forthing of that.
Why it fell flat:
1. Too much Bosley, particularly in that she was the main character. She's the one in charge, the one with the plan, the one driving everything. When she's not there, the entire team is fucking useless and flails about incapable of doing anything. I didn't want a movie about mentor!Bosley leading her new chicks around by the nose.
2. Too many men. There are so so many men with bit and secondary and tertiary roles, that I literally felt like I was watching one of those "One woman and all the men who adore her" movies. Too many of them have plot significance, too many of them keep showing back up like that skeevy dude from the beginning of the movie, too many of them have actual dialog and take time away from the three Angels who are supposed to be the focus, what the actual fuck.
3. Speaking of skeevy dude. Why. Why bring him back as a 'good guy'? You know one of my favorite moments from the first CA movie? When the skeevy billionaire gets blown up. That's what should happen to skeevy dudes. Instead, this skeevy dude gets rewarded and continues to be gross and skeevy towards women. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
4. WOMEN LIKE PRETTY THINGS AND CLOTHES. Did you know? I mean, I thought you might, but women are shiny and glamorous and like pretty things and clothes. And shouldn't touch weapons. Nope. That's for the men to do. And a skeevy guru will usher them through the acquisition of their new clothing and re-set their spines and shit.
5. Newbie Angel murders someone, gets two seconds to angst, and the entire thing is never considered again. Ever.
6. WHAT THE FUCK, why is the skeevy guru getting more lines? Why has he shown back up? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MEN WITH SIGNIFICANT ROLES.
7. Oh, look, a dude for all of our heroines. Gosh. (and I even liked the silly nerdy guy, because giving a woman explosives is hot, ok)
8. The Angels are left on their own and proceed to be incompetent morons who are useless. I thought this movie was supposed to be about them, but apparently not.
9. A training montage, finally. Over the credits. What fucking bullshit is this?
10. I'm sure there are more. I just know that I spent so much of the movie waiting for it to be this amazing, girl-power-driven flick and it continued to fail at it.
What could have fixed it:
1. Reduce Bosley's importance to the plot, and make the Angels use their own brains.
2. Make one of the bad guys a woman.
3. Change 3/4s of the male characters to women, including: skeevy guy from the beginning and skeevy guru dude.
That's it. That's all it would have taken. Instead, we have yet another "Girl Power!" action movie that is mostly about dudes and how women have no power to do anything except stand around looking hot for the men to skeeve on.