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Entry tags:
bsg crack: There Aren't Fluffy Clouds Here
disclaimer: not mine
fandom: Battlestar Galactica
characters: Cally, Boomer, Tory (with special guest star Billy)
rating: PG
genre: crack
length: 1000
notes: I blame![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nicole_anell. She said: , I have to believe that in the afterlife they all just looked at each other, looked at Chief, and went "...wow, so not worth it. Let's go get our zombie drink on." Also, aj can foot some of the blame, too. Billy and Kara were, at one time, the most awesome afterlife buddies ever.
There Aren't Fluffy Clouds Here
by ALC Punk!
Cally gets there first. Still feeling cold from the black of space, she huddles down into a chenille throw. The couch is worn, a little lumpy and smells suspiciously of stale potato chips. She doesn't think she's had one of those in too frakking long; stale or otherwise.
Being wherever she is gives her too much time to think, and thinking just gets her pissed off.
There's a remote and a television. Cally clicks it on out of curiosity.
"There's beer in the fridge."
Cally practically clears the couch in one leap, freaked out by the sight of a dead man.
Rolling his eyes, Billy holds up a half-empty can. "It's a little tasteless. But on the bright side, you can throw the empties at Tory."
-
It's easy to adjust to the couch, to Billy and his cheerfulness, to throwing popcorn at Tory at opportune moments. Cally even diverges and throws popcorn at her still-alive husband, too. Not that she wants to think about that, here in what's apparently the afterlife.
"At least Dee wasn't a Cylon," Billy says during a random argument about how throwing cans at Kara can get them in trouble.
"Shut up."
The argument gets solved when Billy throws a shoe at Lee Adama, making him jump while Cally falls off the couch in giggles.
-
About the time Galen learns about Nicky not being his, Cally has a ranting fit at Cottle, detailing his parentage (Cylons are not among them), his personal habits, and a truly impressive set of anatomical ideas that are very impossible. Billy takes recourse in hiding behind the fridge until she's done.
Cally throws an entire un-drunk six-pack at Galen.
-
"I liked Boomer," Billy defends, hands up in the air. "There was that one time she was nice to me, and that one time she saved my life, and--"
"Frakking Cylon," points out Cally, trying to ignore the action on the screen. It feels weird to have sympathy for Athena, to know what it might be like to have her child stolen again and again. Sometimes, Cally's entirely certain that her little lie to Cottle was worth it.
"Do you think she'd do this if she wasn't being controlled by Cavil?"
Logic has no part in this argument, but Cally lets it slide, clamming up suddenly. There's a house in Galen's mind, a house she's never seen and never would have.
This is what she gave up her life for, and it's a bitter thing.
-
Billy pats her arm when she sniffles about poor Starbuck and Anders. Nearly a year as neighbors had put her firmly in the category of friendly with both of them, and while she'd liked Sam more, she could feel Starbuck's pain radiating from the screen. Or maybe that was the loose spring in the stupid couch.
Shifting a little, curling into the arm of the couch made it better.
-
"That plan is never going to work," Cally shouts at the screen. She throws a beer bottle at Adama when he's alone, then another when he's not.
"You might want to throw a few more," suggests Billy. "He almost had you shot once."
That doesn't surprise Cally, and she tosses the cardboard box after the twelve-pack. Sure, he's a leader, but that didn't give him the right to kill loyal members of his crew (mutinying or otherwise, and she still hasn't forgiven him for Felix).
-
Boomer gets there second, looking startled. "What the frak?"
"There's beer," Cally offers, feeling her gut clench. She once shot Boomer, she knows how Athena must feel, but she can't quite hate the Cylon in front of her anymore. "Tory killed me," she added, "So it's kinda like your gramma killing your murderer."
Which is ridiculous logic, and Billy looks like he's gonna say something, but doesn't.
Boomer sits on his other side and takes a beer.
-
"You have got to be frakking kidding me," Boomer mutters. She throws her empty can at Cavil, and he jumps. "A Cylon truce. So he can have eternal life? That's bullshit. This is not going to end well. WHAT are they thinking?"
"About Hera," offers Billy, as though pretty sure he's in minefield territory.
Cally elbows him. "Hey, Boomer, did you really want kids with Galen?"
There's a moment of disturbed silence and then Boomer leans around Billy and looks at her, beer bottle in one hand. "Yeah."
Opening a new bottle, Cally accurately nails Tigh with her empty, making him swear. Gaius and Caprica continue looking pious, as they hold Hera between them. "At least they wouldn't have been Helo's freakish height," she mutters.
-
Tory gets there last.
"Have a beer," Cally offers. She's not drunk, but at this point, she's torn between gratification and disgust. So she smelled like cabbage, but he still wanted to strangle her killer?
Boomer snorts, "Isn't there anything stronger?"
"Nope." Looking between them, Billy looks awkward, "Um, I'm going to go away now. Maybe Dee's in the mood for a dance. Or something."
From where she's still standing by the television, Tory looks between Boomer and Cally, then gives a shrug and joins them on the couch. She silently accepts the beer Cally hands her, then makes a face at the taste.
Tory brightens when Boomer throws her empty at Galen.
-
"So how does this work? Is there really a God?" Tory's leaning against Boomer, her feet in Cally's lap. The twelve-pack and its empty box were thrown at Galen as he angsted his way away on an island in the middle of nowhere.
"No idea."
"Me, either." Cally waves the potato chip she'd found somewhere. She isn't going to eat it, but it was nice to see they still existed. Somewhere. "Billy never explained. Mostly, we just watched you all be stupid."
"Humanity is stupid," Boomer mutters. She freezes an instant later and shoots a glance at Cally before amending, "So are the Cylon."
"God is stupid," fires back Cally.
"Your Gods abandoned you--" Tory stops, because the idea that they're going to have some massive theological argument while being dead, and sitting on a couch in the afterlife is absurd. "Shut up and get me another beer."
Cally hands her two: one for her, one for Boomer. With humanity and Cylonity spread over their new 'Earth', they decide to find something new to watch. Flipping the channel they find a stranded astronaut with alien companions and wormholes.
-f-
fandom: Battlestar Galactica
characters: Cally, Boomer, Tory (with special guest star Billy)
rating: PG
genre: crack
length: 1000
notes: I blame
nicole_anell. She said: , I have to believe that in the afterlife they all just looked at each other, looked at Chief, and went "...wow, so not worth it. Let's go get our zombie drink on." Also, aj can foot some of the blame, too. Billy and Kara were, at one time, the most awesome afterlife buddies ever.There Aren't Fluffy Clouds Here
by ALC Punk!
Cally gets there first. Still feeling cold from the black of space, she huddles down into a chenille throw. The couch is worn, a little lumpy and smells suspiciously of stale potato chips. She doesn't think she's had one of those in too frakking long; stale or otherwise.
Being wherever she is gives her too much time to think, and thinking just gets her pissed off.
There's a remote and a television. Cally clicks it on out of curiosity.
"There's beer in the fridge."
Cally practically clears the couch in one leap, freaked out by the sight of a dead man.
Rolling his eyes, Billy holds up a half-empty can. "It's a little tasteless. But on the bright side, you can throw the empties at Tory."
-
It's easy to adjust to the couch, to Billy and his cheerfulness, to throwing popcorn at Tory at opportune moments. Cally even diverges and throws popcorn at her still-alive husband, too. Not that she wants to think about that, here in what's apparently the afterlife.
"At least Dee wasn't a Cylon," Billy says during a random argument about how throwing cans at Kara can get them in trouble.
"Shut up."
The argument gets solved when Billy throws a shoe at Lee Adama, making him jump while Cally falls off the couch in giggles.
-
About the time Galen learns about Nicky not being his, Cally has a ranting fit at Cottle, detailing his parentage (Cylons are not among them), his personal habits, and a truly impressive set of anatomical ideas that are very impossible. Billy takes recourse in hiding behind the fridge until she's done.
Cally throws an entire un-drunk six-pack at Galen.
-
"I liked Boomer," Billy defends, hands up in the air. "There was that one time she was nice to me, and that one time she saved my life, and--"
"Frakking Cylon," points out Cally, trying to ignore the action on the screen. It feels weird to have sympathy for Athena, to know what it might be like to have her child stolen again and again. Sometimes, Cally's entirely certain that her little lie to Cottle was worth it.
"Do you think she'd do this if she wasn't being controlled by Cavil?"
Logic has no part in this argument, but Cally lets it slide, clamming up suddenly. There's a house in Galen's mind, a house she's never seen and never would have.
This is what she gave up her life for, and it's a bitter thing.
-
Billy pats her arm when she sniffles about poor Starbuck and Anders. Nearly a year as neighbors had put her firmly in the category of friendly with both of them, and while she'd liked Sam more, she could feel Starbuck's pain radiating from the screen. Or maybe that was the loose spring in the stupid couch.
Shifting a little, curling into the arm of the couch made it better.
-
"That plan is never going to work," Cally shouts at the screen. She throws a beer bottle at Adama when he's alone, then another when he's not.
"You might want to throw a few more," suggests Billy. "He almost had you shot once."
That doesn't surprise Cally, and she tosses the cardboard box after the twelve-pack. Sure, he's a leader, but that didn't give him the right to kill loyal members of his crew (mutinying or otherwise, and she still hasn't forgiven him for Felix).
-
Boomer gets there second, looking startled. "What the frak?"
"There's beer," Cally offers, feeling her gut clench. She once shot Boomer, she knows how Athena must feel, but she can't quite hate the Cylon in front of her anymore. "Tory killed me," she added, "So it's kinda like your gramma killing your murderer."
Which is ridiculous logic, and Billy looks like he's gonna say something, but doesn't.
Boomer sits on his other side and takes a beer.
-
"You have got to be frakking kidding me," Boomer mutters. She throws her empty can at Cavil, and he jumps. "A Cylon truce. So he can have eternal life? That's bullshit. This is not going to end well. WHAT are they thinking?"
"About Hera," offers Billy, as though pretty sure he's in minefield territory.
Cally elbows him. "Hey, Boomer, did you really want kids with Galen?"
There's a moment of disturbed silence and then Boomer leans around Billy and looks at her, beer bottle in one hand. "Yeah."
Opening a new bottle, Cally accurately nails Tigh with her empty, making him swear. Gaius and Caprica continue looking pious, as they hold Hera between them. "At least they wouldn't have been Helo's freakish height," she mutters.
-
Tory gets there last.
"Have a beer," Cally offers. She's not drunk, but at this point, she's torn between gratification and disgust. So she smelled like cabbage, but he still wanted to strangle her killer?
Boomer snorts, "Isn't there anything stronger?"
"Nope." Looking between them, Billy looks awkward, "Um, I'm going to go away now. Maybe Dee's in the mood for a dance. Or something."
From where she's still standing by the television, Tory looks between Boomer and Cally, then gives a shrug and joins them on the couch. She silently accepts the beer Cally hands her, then makes a face at the taste.
Tory brightens when Boomer throws her empty at Galen.
-
"So how does this work? Is there really a God?" Tory's leaning against Boomer, her feet in Cally's lap. The twelve-pack and its empty box were thrown at Galen as he angsted his way away on an island in the middle of nowhere.
"No idea."
"Me, either." Cally waves the potato chip she'd found somewhere. She isn't going to eat it, but it was nice to see they still existed. Somewhere. "Billy never explained. Mostly, we just watched you all be stupid."
"Humanity is stupid," Boomer mutters. She freezes an instant later and shoots a glance at Cally before amending, "So are the Cylon."
"God is stupid," fires back Cally.
"Your Gods abandoned you--" Tory stops, because the idea that they're going to have some massive theological argument while being dead, and sitting on a couch in the afterlife is absurd. "Shut up and get me another beer."
Cally hands her two: one for her, one for Boomer. With humanity and Cylonity spread over their new 'Earth', they decide to find something new to watch. Flipping the channel they find a stranded astronaut with alien companions and wormholes.
-f-
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To explain, here's what I'm talking about...
;P
That is sooo perfect... And then shortly after, all the crossed-over characters can have a wild party which involves lots of beer, ridiculously loud music that gets the cops to pay them a visit with an extremely drunk Cally and Tory trying to play it cool for everybody, horrible dance moves, and Billy and Maggie getting caught in the closet...:P
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And then shortly after, all the crossed-over characters can have a wild party which involves lots of beer, ridiculously loud music that gets the cops to pay them a visit with an extremely drunk Cally and Tory trying to play it cool for everybody, horrible dance moves, and Billy and Maggie getting caught in the closet.
I like that plan. You write it. =D
Thank you!
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Yes, yes, yes, the arguments and the beer, and, well. Stress relief using beer cans and snarky commentary are always good. ;]
Thank you.
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This is so frakking perfect I may have to sign up for
And they're watching my other kids there at the end! \o/
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I KNOW. The other kids are slowly suckering my brains with distraction, hence them sneaking in here.
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The drinking, the bonding, the Billy = perfection :D
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We all have
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Maybe Dee's in the mood for a dance. Or something.
I... think you just made me ship them beyond the grave. :O
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Billy is always hopeful, plus, well, dancing (or walking mountains) with Dee is less dangerous than being in the middle of three fridged women with issues with each other. =D
Thank you!
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Thank you!
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and the end is awesome.