lyssie | *takes a break from writing cross-dressing hamsters with giant robots*

Dude. This is why

aj and I should really not be let onto an unsuspecting world... (please note vague spoilers for BSG season two, and possibly three contained herein)

lyssie: I briefly considered alternating BSG soundtrack with Nine Inch Nails, earlier. Decided that would be a bad idea.

aj: Brain breaky?

lyssie: yah. I'm not sure the fic that resulted would be at all readable. It'd probably be some post-apocalyptic drug trip on acid with cross-dressing hamsters as the villains.

aj: I'd be down with that.

aj: Can hamsters cross-dress if they're normally naked?

lyssie: They cross-dress as squirrels.

aj: SWEET.

lyssie: I suppose pan-dimensional beings that looked like hamsters works just as well as ones who look like mice.

aj: They can't help their genes and Caprica's shitty non-hamster-positive environment!

lyssie: They've got Billy, Roslin, Sam, Chief, Tory and Zarek staked out. They figure Baltar's too busy with his blackjack and hookers to notice, once they take over. Billy spots one first, of course, and doesn't think anything of it..

aj: Maybe he thinks the drugs Cottle has him on are making him hallucinate again? (Nothing will top his drugged-out mental orgy with Dee, Starbuck, and that cute Redhead who won't talk to him)

lyssie: He's kinda chalking it up to being tired, or NewCap does have animals.... (BWAHAHAHAHA)

aj: Well, that too. (It's his most favoritest dream EVER. He has a new happy place.)

lyssie: *steals*

aj: *smirks*

aj: Like you wouldn't have a new happy place if you had that dream?

lyssie: Jean says it's hard to talk to a guy who goes quiet when she's around. Kara says she should just kiss him. Jean says that's the problem--she did! And look where that caught her.

lyssie: got, not caught

lyssie: hey hey hey, don't get me thinking about that, or I really will get distracted.

aj: (He can tell Sam about it, one day, when they're both drunk and Sam and he can be all *glazed faces*)

aj: And ahahahaah!

aj: Billy says that he gets quiet because he's mostly having lots of thoughts that involve stripping her bare and playing lolly pop.

lyssie: followed by Sam being all "HEY WIFE." er. hrm.

aj: Billy: "Oh, like most of the guys and girls on this planet don't spank off to her occasionally!"

lyssie: nononono. As in, Sam wandering off to molest her, intrigued. Sam is personally certain that a lot of them do.

aj: :D

aj: Billy: Any chance we can get them drunk, lock them in a room together with a small peeping area and hope that the clothes come off?"

lyssie: Sam honestly can't blame them, though he says he can understand Jean's appeal, too (he's very drunk, right now), and if Dee ever kissed him, well... Which might lead to Billy smacking him, but he'll take it.

lyssie: HAH

lyssie: That's also tempting.

aj: And that's when Mom sneaks in, smirking, and tells them it's worth a shot, before slipping away.

aj: Sam: "...gods, if that woman were ten years younger and a smidge less scary..."

aj: Billy: "Then Admiral Adama would have another reason to beat you senseless?"

lyssie: Sam: "Yeah, but I'd go down with one HELL of a shit-eating grin on my face."

aj: Billy: *EWWWW face*

aj: Billy: "She's like... she's like my mother. Although, a lot more evil. Okay, no, my mother was about as evil as she is, she was just more polite."

lyssie: Sam is thinking entirely inappropriate things right now.

lyssie: And is being quiet so as to spare Billy.

aj: Billy is trying to picture that cute blonde across the way naked.

lyssie: Sam: "So, Dee, Kara and Barolay, huh?"

aj: Billy: "It was... really quite something."

lyssie: Sam: "I've seen two of them naked. Yes. Yes it would be."

aj: Billy: "I've also seen two of them naked. Gods bless the good drugs." *clinks glass with Sam*

lyssie: Sam: *clinks back, downs his shot* "You know, if we put enough ambrosia in that room..."

aj: Billy: "I know a guy who can get a room."

lyssie: Sam: *eyes Kara, who's half-sitting on the lap of some ex-infantryman* "Might make a change, that's for sure."

aj: Billy: *sympathy grunts* "Maybe if you stopped drinking so much, you could get it up more."

lyssie: Sam: *spit-takes* "That only happened once!" *pause* "I think."

aj: Billy: *nods sagely* "I bet you my ability find a room and... two cases of ambrosia that you can't stay sober for three weeks."

lyssie: Sam: *considers* "No drinking at all, or just no drinking to excess?"

aj: Billy: "Completely dry. With half a small bottle every seventh day so that you don't die of withdrawl."

aj: Billy: *smirks* "I'll even do it with you, if you're lonely.

lyssie: Sam: *stares at Kara, for a moment, then nods and sticks out his hand* "It's a bet. And don't bother doing it with me."

aj: Billy: "Eh. You're the one that's turning me into an alcoholic. My liver deserves a break."

lyssie: Sam: "Yeah, probably. This is one of those things you gotta ease into. Or so I've been told."

aj: Billy: "Drink up. Tomorrow we start a new adventure." *holds up glass* "To free lesbian porn."

lyssie: Sam: *holds his up* "That we will never hear the end of, but that doesn't matter, because the visuals and memories will be worth a broken rib or two."

aj: Billy: "Or ten." *happy glazed look of drooling*

lyssie: Sam: *resolves to find Billy a girl, one of these days*

aj: Billy: *stares at Jean's ass as she walks by*

lyssie: Sam: *notes the direction of the look, tries not to get distracted, and considers locking Barolay and Billy in a room together*

aj: Billy: *looks a bit like a puppy*

lyssie: Sam: *still very drunk* "You could just go ask her to go for a walk."

lyssie: You know, that's gonna be one hell of a hangover. Sam's going to wake up to find he has to be sober.... And Kara will mock him forever.

aj: *giggles*

aj: And on his last day of sobriety, he can have a sensitive giving realization!

aj: That gets thrown out after Billy and he lock the girls up in a room with booze and they do nothing but compare sexual escapades and play cards.

lyssie: *snickers madly* Yes. And two weeks later, Sam drunkenly stumbles into a room to find Billy and Lee there. But before he can actually figure anything out--or Billy can get his gag off--the door slams shut behind him...

lyssie: Or Helo.

lyssie: Yes. Billy and Helo.

aj: YEEEEES.

aj: Because Sharon likes her gay porn.

lyssie: Sharon would totally come out of her "I HATE EVERYONE" stupor to watch Helo kiss boys.

aj: TOTALLY.

lyssie: And Lee, meanwhile, tries to figure out where his stashes of ambrosia have gone.

aj: And goes to have another meal of reconstituted noodles.

aj: Sad thing is, Helo, Billy, and Sam probably WOULD make out if drunk enough.

lyssie: Yes. Yes they would. Especially Sam.

aj: And Jean would finally go out with Billy afterwards because, hey, if he can give head that enthusiastially, he'd probably be enthusiastic in other areas too. ;)

aj: GAH, wHY DID I JUST TYPE THAT!?

lyssie: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

aj: My (sober) mental Billy just screamed and ran away.

aj: (And it's Helo, baby.)

lyssie: Poor boy.

lyssie: Sam sulks in the corner and says he gets no lovin' until Kara kicks him.

aj: As Helo's all "...?"

lyssie: Sharon: *sighs "Helo, let me explain some things to you..."

aj: As Mom is all "WHAT did I say about corrupting my aide?"
Girls: *stare*
Jean: "...do it more often?"
Mom: "Exactly. Carry on."

lyssie: Sam: "Seriouslt. Five years younger."

lyssie: sigh. seriously.

aj: Mom: *smirks*

aj: Sam: "...marry me?"

aj: Kara: *SWATS HIM* "Too late, you're already taken."

lyssie: *giggles*

lyssie: Dad: "Did I miss something?"

aj: Mom: "Not as such."
Sam: *respectful stance* "Just. Good job, sir."

lyssie: Kara : *smacks him, anywy* "Idiot."

aj: Billy: *is cracked up and gasping over a table*

aj: Mom: "Well, Mr. Anders. If I were five years younger and slightly more evil, I'd let you join us. Unfortunately... Admiral? I believe you promised me a walk?"

lyssie: Dad: "I believe I did." *offers his arm*

aj: Sharon: "Damn. Even I'd tap that."

lyssie: Jean: "Have to agree." *grins*

aj: Billy: *drops head in hands* "I can't be here."

lyssie: Jean: *pats his arm* "Aww. Wanna go for a walk, Billy?"

aj: Billy: "As long as it's in the opposite direction. I've walked in on those two more than is strictly right. I'm pretty sure they've both got a strong exhibitionist streak."

lyssie: Jean: "As tempting as it is to watch you go red, I don't feel like being interrupted." *firmly leads him off in the opposite direction*

aj: Billy: *makes the YAY!!!!! face*

lyssie: Aaand, then they done sex. And meanwhile, in an AU, Billy and Kara are sitting on a couch, bitching about how it isn't fair.

aj: YEP.

aj: Because they are the worst dead buddies EVER.

aj: "I HATE you. You're going to abandon me and our couch!"

lyssie: "I am not having sex with you, Kara." "Not even once? C'mon, I'm BOREd." "NO." "Fine." "No throwing things at Dee, either." "DaMMIT."

aj: "Or the President. She has The Cancer again, and it's not nice."

lyssie: "Fine, fine. Can I breathe?"

aj: "Since we're dead? No."

*takes a break from writing cross-dressing hamsters with giant robots*

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takes a break from writing cross-dressing hamsters with giant robots