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Entry tags:
So goin' to hell. Fic. Kara/Anders, BSG, sacreligious fic.
Like, really. I might go to hell for this one.
Ahem.
Disclaimer: the story might seem familiar. So should the characters. They're... not mine.
Pairing: Kara/Anders
Rating; eh. G.
Set: LDYB2. pre-s3.
AU. Crack!fic.
Notes: You can blame my parents,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rhi_silverflame, familyarchives and karma_aster for this. Especially the latter three for not dissuading me.
Warning: Ah. Religious blasphemy?
Not Quite So Immaculate
by ALC Punk!
Kara didn't normally visit Sharon, but since she was practically married to Helo and carrying his child, and, had once been her friend... she felt she should try.
For her part, Sharon seemed glad to see her. Hand resting on her very pregnant belly, she smiled at Kara, "It's good you're here. I feel like we have a connection again, Starbuck. Like, for one moment, there's peace between us."
"Don't hold your breath."
"I'm not."
Kara couldn't help but stare at her belly. "Does it hurt?"
"What?"
"Never mind."
Sharon studied her for a moment, then reached out to touch the glass, "Kara, I know that one day, you'll understand. One day, you'll be the mother of something great."
"Frak that." Dropping the phone, Kara stalked away.
-
Time passed. Kara forgot Sharon's words, rescued and then married Sam Anders.
-
The vision came to Sam when he was dead to the world. Or something like that. Afterwards, he lay awake, staring at the tent ceiling above them. If the words he'd heard were true, the woman curled against his side was pregnant.
And the child wasn't his.
-
Kara stared at Doc Cottle. "You're joking."
"Nope." Obviously, Kara's reaction was normal for a viper jock--even an ex-viper jock. Cottle seemed almost bored, "You're pregnant, and the fetus isn't developing at a normal rate. Don't know why."
"Damnit." Kara shoved up off the bed, irritated. "How long?"
"Maybe a week, tops." He waved a cigarette. "Depends on if the rate stays consistent or speeds up."
-
Telling Sam was... difficult. Especially because there was no way the child was his--not with the acceleration in its gestation. "Sam?"
He looked up from fiddling with something and met her eyes, "You're pregnant."
"Uh..."
"I had a... I guess it was a vision," he looked confused. "An angel of the God of the cylons appeared and told me you were to bear, um," here, he paused, the confusion giving away to disturbance, "Kara, he said you were carrying the God of the cylons."
-
"I want this baby gone, Doc," Kara snapped. She'd returned, because there was no way in HELL she was carrying a cylon baby to term. And Sam had come with her for moral support. Or something. She didn't care, right now. She wanted the baby gone, dead, or whatever. It was evil and in her body, and she hadn't given it permission, gods-damnit.
"Starbuck. You know as well as I that isn't possible."
"Frak Madame President."
"Isn't she ex?" Sam asked.
"Her decree still stands, and President Baltar hasn't overturned it."
"Then ask him to." demanded Kara. "I'm not carrying this baby to term, Doc. I don't care if I have to use a rusty coat hanger!"
-
The president was advised by many people (including the blonde in his head) that overturning the decision would be a bad idea. At least right then. At least for a week.
-
Three days in, and Kara was cursing almost continuously, Sam was hiding out three tents down with Chief and Cally, and everyone avoided his and Kara's as much as possible.
Kara wasn't even allowed to use the gym set up in a nearby tent.
-
Cottle was off by two days. Coincidentally, a census was being conducted that day. (and there was no room for them in the inn)
-
When Kara demanded Sam be there, he almost chickened out. His wife, pissed off and wanting to kill him while giving birth would be, well, possibly deadly for him. The only thing he could be thankful about was that this wasn't his fault.
Disturbingly enough, once the kid had popped out, Kara was a little clingy. Sam wondered if she were plotting his death.
-
D'Anna Biers cornered them before they'd even had the kid for a day. "Fleet News Service," she said as she flashed her smile at them. "I hear you've a story about this child. Something a little out of the ordinary."
She was fishing. Sam remembered hating reporters. He let a little of that show, "I'm sorry, Ms. Biers, but my wife and I are very private people."
"You? Samuel T. Anders, ex-pyramid star, a private person?" She laughed. "Pull the other one."
Her cameraman raised his camera and Sam stepped between he and Kara with a glare. "Get the frak out."
"Hey, man, just doin' my job." Running a hand through his messy hair, the guy tried a boyish smile.
"My husband," said Kara, moving to stand next to Sam and glaring, "Said to leave. Me, I'm telling you to get the frak out of here. Unless you want a brawl on your hands, D'Anna."
"No. No brawl." With a slightly superior smile, she turned and looked at her man, "Did you get that?"
"Yep."
-
Their next visitors were Tyrol, the Admiral and Colonel Tigh. The three men stared at Starbuck and the baby, and then looked at Sam.
"Y'know," said Tyrol, "That ain't natural."
"You're tellin' me, Chief," replied Tigh, eyebrows shooting up when Kara made a soft little cooing noise at the baby.
"Gentlemen." Adama eyed Sam and then held out a hand, "Congratulations."
Unomfortable, but agreeable, Sam shook his hand. "Thanks, sir." He left out the part where he hadn't had a damned thing to do with it. At least the Admiral didn't try to break his fingers like Kara had, earlier.
Adama held out a small packet, "Figured you could use these."
Taking the cigars, Sam blinked. Normally, he'd be handing them out. A glance at his wife and the sudden interest on her face, however, told him giving them away might be suicide. "Thanks, sir."
-
"Roslin is going to kill your child."
This time, the angel wasn't all sweetness and light. He gave Sam a warning, and the pyramid player jerked awake and tried to understand exactly what the hell he was supposed to do about it. If the ex-president of the fleet wanted to have a child killed, she'd be able to accomplish it. Probably.
Glancing down at Kara, asleep with the baby curled against her side, Sam wondered what the frak to do.
-
When she woke, Sam told her.
Kara's reaction was silence for a moment, then she looked at the baby and sighed, "So, what we have to do is get the baby hidden--or away from here."
They talked for a while.
Later, Sam was never sure which of them had had their brilliant idea.
-
It was with mixed feelings that Sam made a visit to Galactica, found Helo and talked to him genially until they were alone. Then he got down to business.
Helo, for his part, was a bit surprised. "So, who's the baby's father?"
"I have no frakkin' idea, and neither does Kara."
"Man. You've been letting her sleep around?"
"Frak, no." Sam shrugged, "I guess it was just, maybe something done to her at the farm?"
"Yeah, maybe."
"So. You'll do it?"
Helo looked away, then sighed, "I'll have to ask Sharon. She may not go for it."
Clapping the other man on the shoulder, Sam grinned, "You're good. Just talk her round to it."
-
One day later, Sam and Kara watched as Sharon and Helo disappeared in a raptor for the other side of the planet.
"Well." Kara looked up at him, eyes oddly sad and distant, but tone irritated, "Glad that's over. Take me home, Sammy."
He hated when she called him that. But for once, he didn't object. He kissed her forehead and took her back to their tent where he did his best to try to make her forget all that had just occurred.
"Sam," she whispered, after they were finished, "I don't want kids."
"I know." He kissed her shoulder and held onto her. "Not sure I want them, anyway." Even if he still couldn't ignore the unbearable sweetness inherent in watching Kara with the baby. Even if the child hadn't been his.
-
Luckily for Sam, the angel of the Lord never visited him again.
-f-
Ahem.
Disclaimer: the story might seem familiar. So should the characters. They're... not mine.
Pairing: Kara/Anders
Rating; eh. G.
Set: LDYB2. pre-s3.
AU. Crack!fic.
Notes: You can blame my parents,
rhi_silverflame, familyarchives and karma_aster for this. Especially the latter three for not dissuading me.Warning: Ah. Religious blasphemy?
Not Quite So Immaculate
by ALC Punk!
Kara didn't normally visit Sharon, but since she was practically married to Helo and carrying his child, and, had once been her friend... she felt she should try.
For her part, Sharon seemed glad to see her. Hand resting on her very pregnant belly, she smiled at Kara, "It's good you're here. I feel like we have a connection again, Starbuck. Like, for one moment, there's peace between us."
"Don't hold your breath."
"I'm not."
Kara couldn't help but stare at her belly. "Does it hurt?"
"What?"
"Never mind."
Sharon studied her for a moment, then reached out to touch the glass, "Kara, I know that one day, you'll understand. One day, you'll be the mother of something great."
"Frak that." Dropping the phone, Kara stalked away.
-
Time passed. Kara forgot Sharon's words, rescued and then married Sam Anders.
-
The vision came to Sam when he was dead to the world. Or something like that. Afterwards, he lay awake, staring at the tent ceiling above them. If the words he'd heard were true, the woman curled against his side was pregnant.
And the child wasn't his.
-
Kara stared at Doc Cottle. "You're joking."
"Nope." Obviously, Kara's reaction was normal for a viper jock--even an ex-viper jock. Cottle seemed almost bored, "You're pregnant, and the fetus isn't developing at a normal rate. Don't know why."
"Damnit." Kara shoved up off the bed, irritated. "How long?"
"Maybe a week, tops." He waved a cigarette. "Depends on if the rate stays consistent or speeds up."
-
Telling Sam was... difficult. Especially because there was no way the child was his--not with the acceleration in its gestation. "Sam?"
He looked up from fiddling with something and met her eyes, "You're pregnant."
"Uh..."
"I had a... I guess it was a vision," he looked confused. "An angel of the God of the cylons appeared and told me you were to bear, um," here, he paused, the confusion giving away to disturbance, "Kara, he said you were carrying the God of the cylons."
-
"I want this baby gone, Doc," Kara snapped. She'd returned, because there was no way in HELL she was carrying a cylon baby to term. And Sam had come with her for moral support. Or something. She didn't care, right now. She wanted the baby gone, dead, or whatever. It was evil and in her body, and she hadn't given it permission, gods-damnit.
"Starbuck. You know as well as I that isn't possible."
"Frak Madame President."
"Isn't she ex?" Sam asked.
"Her decree still stands, and President Baltar hasn't overturned it."
"Then ask him to." demanded Kara. "I'm not carrying this baby to term, Doc. I don't care if I have to use a rusty coat hanger!"
-
The president was advised by many people (including the blonde in his head) that overturning the decision would be a bad idea. At least right then. At least for a week.
-
Three days in, and Kara was cursing almost continuously, Sam was hiding out three tents down with Chief and Cally, and everyone avoided his and Kara's as much as possible.
Kara wasn't even allowed to use the gym set up in a nearby tent.
-
Cottle was off by two days. Coincidentally, a census was being conducted that day. (and there was no room for them in the inn)
-
When Kara demanded Sam be there, he almost chickened out. His wife, pissed off and wanting to kill him while giving birth would be, well, possibly deadly for him. The only thing he could be thankful about was that this wasn't his fault.
Disturbingly enough, once the kid had popped out, Kara was a little clingy. Sam wondered if she were plotting his death.
-
D'Anna Biers cornered them before they'd even had the kid for a day. "Fleet News Service," she said as she flashed her smile at them. "I hear you've a story about this child. Something a little out of the ordinary."
She was fishing. Sam remembered hating reporters. He let a little of that show, "I'm sorry, Ms. Biers, but my wife and I are very private people."
"You? Samuel T. Anders, ex-pyramid star, a private person?" She laughed. "Pull the other one."
Her cameraman raised his camera and Sam stepped between he and Kara with a glare. "Get the frak out."
"Hey, man, just doin' my job." Running a hand through his messy hair, the guy tried a boyish smile.
"My husband," said Kara, moving to stand next to Sam and glaring, "Said to leave. Me, I'm telling you to get the frak out of here. Unless you want a brawl on your hands, D'Anna."
"No. No brawl." With a slightly superior smile, she turned and looked at her man, "Did you get that?"
"Yep."
-
Their next visitors were Tyrol, the Admiral and Colonel Tigh. The three men stared at Starbuck and the baby, and then looked at Sam.
"Y'know," said Tyrol, "That ain't natural."
"You're tellin' me, Chief," replied Tigh, eyebrows shooting up when Kara made a soft little cooing noise at the baby.
"Gentlemen." Adama eyed Sam and then held out a hand, "Congratulations."
Unomfortable, but agreeable, Sam shook his hand. "Thanks, sir." He left out the part where he hadn't had a damned thing to do with it. At least the Admiral didn't try to break his fingers like Kara had, earlier.
Adama held out a small packet, "Figured you could use these."
Taking the cigars, Sam blinked. Normally, he'd be handing them out. A glance at his wife and the sudden interest on her face, however, told him giving them away might be suicide. "Thanks, sir."
-
"Roslin is going to kill your child."
This time, the angel wasn't all sweetness and light. He gave Sam a warning, and the pyramid player jerked awake and tried to understand exactly what the hell he was supposed to do about it. If the ex-president of the fleet wanted to have a child killed, she'd be able to accomplish it. Probably.
Glancing down at Kara, asleep with the baby curled against her side, Sam wondered what the frak to do.
-
When she woke, Sam told her.
Kara's reaction was silence for a moment, then she looked at the baby and sighed, "So, what we have to do is get the baby hidden--or away from here."
They talked for a while.
Later, Sam was never sure which of them had had their brilliant idea.
-
It was with mixed feelings that Sam made a visit to Galactica, found Helo and talked to him genially until they were alone. Then he got down to business.
Helo, for his part, was a bit surprised. "So, who's the baby's father?"
"I have no frakkin' idea, and neither does Kara."
"Man. You've been letting her sleep around?"
"Frak, no." Sam shrugged, "I guess it was just, maybe something done to her at the farm?"
"Yeah, maybe."
"So. You'll do it?"
Helo looked away, then sighed, "I'll have to ask Sharon. She may not go for it."
Clapping the other man on the shoulder, Sam grinned, "You're good. Just talk her round to it."
-
One day later, Sam and Kara watched as Sharon and Helo disappeared in a raptor for the other side of the planet.
"Well." Kara looked up at him, eyes oddly sad and distant, but tone irritated, "Glad that's over. Take me home, Sammy."
He hated when she called him that. But for once, he didn't object. He kissed her forehead and took her back to their tent where he did his best to try to make her forget all that had just occurred.
"Sam," she whispered, after they were finished, "I don't want kids."
"I know." He kissed her shoulder and held onto her. "Not sure I want them, anyway." Even if he still couldn't ignore the unbearable sweetness inherent in watching Kara with the baby. Even if the child hadn't been his.
-
Luckily for Sam, the angel of the Lord never visited him again.
-f-